Jump to content


Photo
- - - - -

Coming home?


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Eipvnv

Eipvnv

    New Member

  • Members
  • 0 posts
  • Orthodox Christian Member

Posted 05 October 2014 - 08:49 PM

I am humbly (and desparately) in need of prayers. I am an Orthodox convert of many years and, after having left the Church, I think I am making my way back. I am simultaneously overjoyed and utterly terrified! I left after having been abused by a priest for years. I tried to remain in other parishes with a very gracious and patient Spiritual Father, but found that self-preservation dictated that I renounce my Faith and turn my back on the one place that brought me true peace, but also true terror. I turned my back on my education, my desire for a consecrated life, and fought to find healing, health and the will to live. It has been nearly 18 years now since the abuse ended and close to ten since leaving the Church and my Faith. I am yearning to come home! I want to have Confession again and hear "welcome home." I have put the past behind me and have forgiven. I want to go home and tremble before the Chalice, but I am terrified. Please pray for this dreadful sinner, that the demons from my past will not keep me from being able to stay where I belong. Thank you

#2 Alice

Alice

    Very Frequent Poster

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 673 posts
  • Orthodox Christian Member

Posted 08 October 2014 - 08:21 PM

Lord have mercy!



#3 Kosta

Kosta

    Very Frequent Poster

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,517 posts

Posted 09 October 2014 - 03:12 AM

Lord have Mercy! So wonderful to hear you have a good spiritual Father. Pray all your wounds may be healed and your trust restored!

#4 Eipvnv

Eipvnv

    New Member

  • Members
  • 0 posts
  • Orthodox Christian Member

Posted 12 October 2014 - 04:47 PM

Thank you, all!  I have to laugh at my username -- obviously it's been a long time since I wrote my name! 

 

Last week, while on holiday, I found myself in many churches which sparked my desire to come back.  Eventually I was at Vespers in a monastery and got a chance to speak with the Archmandrite.  There are no worries about my memories getting in my way; I know this now.  I know where I belong and I don't want to spend another minute away from the Faith I was so fortunate to stumble upon in university.  When I got home from holiday, I had confession (over the phone) and heard "welcome home"   I feel at peace. :)

 

I have found a new obstacle:  I am working in a (moderate) Muslim country (weekends are Friday and Saturday in the Muslim world) and the only Orthodox Church here holds Liturgy on Sunday mornings only, which is not a possibility.  Certainly I can't have been brought back to the Church, only to not be able to celebrate?  I dread the thought of only having Communion when I'm either back home or in other countries.  Advice? 

 

irini



#5 Ben Johnson

Ben Johnson

    Frequent Poster

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 290 posts
  • Orthodox Christian Member

Posted 12 October 2014 - 05:02 PM

Through the intercessions of the Theotokos, LORD have mercy!



#6 Loucas

Loucas

    Contributor

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 95 posts
  • Orthodox Christian Member

Posted 12 October 2014 - 10:56 PM

Eipvnv,  May your patron Saint intercede for you, all Orthodox Christians pray that you return and stay in the Church. I can not ever understand or begin to know what you have indured, however, please remember that the Church is not an institution or an orginization. The Church is the Body of Christ. Pray for the forgiveness of your abuser and pray that you may forgive as well. Place your soul in the hands of our Lord. Read the lives of the Saints and place yourself before the Icon of your patron Saint, the Panagia, and our Lord. But not in a superficial way, open your heart and let the Holy ones in. Believe me your guardian Angel and Patron Saint are close beside you right now as is the Theotokos, simply because I and others have prayed for you. Now it is up to you to trust the Lord and come in. There is no salvation without suffering. But we are called to stand away from those who live in the darkness and to be different. Remember " The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can not overcome the light ". Welcome back.

#7 Ben Johnson

Ben Johnson

    Frequent Poster

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 290 posts
  • Orthodox Christian Member

Posted 13 October 2014 - 03:13 AM

And through the intercessions of St Niphon the Patriarch of Constantinople, may the demons of your past be driven away forever.  May the LORD grant you peace in your endeavors.



#8 Loucas

Loucas

    Contributor

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 95 posts
  • Orthodox Christian Member

Posted 14 October 2014 - 12:25 AM

Maybe talking to the Priest at the Church mihgt help. I would imagine he understands there are situations there that most of us do not have to deal with. He may have a solution to your problem. Ask for his blessing and get his advise.



#9 Eipvnv

Eipvnv

    New Member

  • Members
  • 0 posts
  • Orthodox Christian Member

Posted 14 October 2014 - 07:41 PM

I am truly overwhelmed now -- by the prayers offered for me, so unworthy, and by the Grace of the Lord who should have turned His back on me as I had on him.  Lord, have mercy: I went to see the Priest here and I am going tomorrow for my first Communion in years, and then on Sundays after work.  I have been treated far better than I ever expected, or deserve, by the Lord and His Church.  I am so humbled by this whole experience that a candle, a prayer and a "thank you,' or even those unceasing are not enough.  But I do thank you for your prayers!

 

I have struggled to ask for things in prayer, but my prayers are being heard and answered.  I have another, please:  that my memory of the Faith can be restored, or that I will relearn everything and retain it this time.  In order to deal with the past (and resulting PTSD) I had to resort to somewhat drastic measures.  The medical procedures I underwent (which I would rather not speak about, as they are in the past and, thank God, they helped to fully heal me) have resulted in some memory loss -- the Orthodox Theology degree has been all but erased!?  What I remember of Liturgy has faded, and I feel like I am learning to pray all over again.  A catechumen once again!  :-) 

 

Humbly but joyously in Christ,

irini



#10 Rdr Andreas

Rdr Andreas

    Very Frequent Poster

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,028 posts
  • Orthodox Christian Member

Posted 15 October 2014 - 05:25 PM

Being a Christian is not about being clever or having a good memory: it is about faith. The English words, 'I believe' at the start of the creed are actually rather weak: the Greek and Slavonic words are stronger - they mean, 'I confess', 'I have faith that'. If you can say the Creed and mean it, there is no hindrance.



#11 Eipvnv

Eipvnv

    New Member

  • Members
  • 0 posts
  • Orthodox Christian Member

Posted 16 October 2014 - 07:02 PM

Being a Christian is not about being clever or having a good memory: it is about faith. The English words, 'I believe' at the start of the creed are actually rather weak: the Greek and Slavonic words are stronger...

 

Of course you're right (that's why I pray mostly in Greek).  Thank you.  Intellect is very precious to me.  My faith was found during and nurtured through my education and I'm just re-educating myself, I suppose.  :)






0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users