For whom should one pray?

[Irene]

Dearest Father and List Members,

I'm sorry to bother you with my little questions, but my Priest is still away.

One of my daughters wanted to pray for a friend and the family of the friend, so we added their names to our list. This only served to refresh a constant question in my mind about who should I/we should be praying for, family and friends of course, people who ask for your prayers, prayers for your enemies. But maybe I should be praying for everyone I come into contact with.

Or does that come under our normal prayers?

For example: prayers for the dead, how far back should you be praying for your relatives? I am praying for my great-grandmother on my fathers side because I knew and loved her until she reposed when I was about 9 or 10. I also pray for her husband, who I never knew. But I haven't been praying for any of my other great-grandparents and that seems wrong. My mother loved her grandparents. My mothers memory of one grandmother was that she was always singing hymns, I think I should be praying for all my great-grandparents because no-one else is. No one in my family prays or has any faith as far as I know (except for my children and I).

Does doing the prayer for our enemies mean that we don't have to mention them by name? My son said he had no enemies because he hated no one. I said that an enemy is someone who doesn't like you or does bad things to you and we should be praying for them.

For five years I couldn't even speak the name of a person who had done us terrible harm, and then I started praying for him, at first, as an enemy. When there was a special molieben to St Anastasia for people with addictions at our Church, I went to that and prayed for him. Last night we did a home molieben to St John of San Franscisco and my daughter said she'd read out the names on my private list and his name was there. I said I'm sorry but we have to pray for him and she said I know and to my relief everyone was ok with that.

If you say a little pray for people in your head when you meet them, like "Lord have mercy on their soul" is that being ridiculous, going overboard, or is that ok. My thoughts are in a constant tug-of-war because I hear my mother's words saying the Orthodox go overboard (i.e. pray/fast/go to Church way too much) and then I hear other thoughts telling me to pray for people.

Sorry for this long letter. Thankyou for taking the time to read it.

In Christ
irene, who was a non-practising Presbyterian, until she followed a friend into an Orthodox Church and was overwhelmed by the spirituality.

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

Dear Irene,

Our prayer must be for the whole world but it must also be heartfelt & without anxiety ; I say this because at times we do not know who to pray for or not & we get buried under a mountain of names (and guilt for who may be left out). Also we should have a structure and rule for our prayer so that it remains peaceful and not overburdened from becoming too arbitrary. If we add too much our prayer rule will soon be like a tree with so many branches the whole tree will fall down.

Of course we should pray every day for our family (including non-Orthodox; personally I do not use the phrase 'servant of God' for these) & those departed from our family (again non-Orthodox also & as above I do not say 'servant of God');we should also pray for the synod of bishops of our church, our spiritual fr & also members of our parish; most Orthodox Prayer Books have standard prayers for the living & departed written at the end of Morning & Evening Prayers. In fact the Morning & Evening Prayers besides giving a needed structure to our prayer (an order) also teach us what prayer is. So the Prayer Book is a good teacher.

There is a part of our prayer however which can reflect those things which come to our hearts: people we meet or situations. Sometimes certain names come to us to pray for; also certain situations strike us such as turmoil in...or our departed family or whatever. Also we must pray for those who have offended us, that the Lord may guide them or change their hearts. We pray for people by name because we truly wish that no person perish. If mention of that person agitates us too much then we should go back and first ask Christ to give us the grace to forgive that person, to have a measure of peace when we hear that name. All of the above type of prayer should be accompanied by a short heart-felt phrase: "guide our church O Lord", "O Lord enlighten the heart of..." "grant rest [or'forgive the sins of] to my departed family members" etc. Not all situations require that every person involved be mentioned by name: God sees the intention (and knows the names better than we do!)It can be very helpful to use the prayer rope with such prayers again to give some sort of order. It is very important however that when we use our words in prayer (especially concerning those who have offended us)there must be no note of judgementalism in them; the simple & loving words are best.

There can never be enough prayer for people we know & have known & the world; but we need an orderly method of prayer and our prayer should be heartfelt.

In Christ- Fr R

[Fr Averky]

Dear in the Lord,
Irene

Of course, we can pray for anyone, especially those who hate us and who have harmed us. The one thing that we do in this life that will last for eternity, and for which we will be forgiven much, is how we loved in this life. The entire Christian life is centered upon love, for our Saviour Himself told us to love God with all our heart and soul, and our neigbor as ourself. Furthermore, He says that if someone as hurt or offended us, we must go to them and ask forgiveness. Why, because perhaps in some way not even knowing it, we may have broughjt grief or caused problems for that person. Even if that person, prompted by the devil, did us evil out of jealousy or simply malice, we must show him compassion, praying for him that he will repent and not be lost. More important than why someone did us wrong is that we do all we can to prevent him from losing hissoul.

You tell me that your son says he hates no one; well, it is not just a matter of hatred alone, but anger, judging, remembering wrongs and harboring resentments. Especially during this time of spiritual cleansing, we should make every effort to make peace, especially with those who have done us harm. Even if they reject our good will, it does not matter, for we will have done ouir part., and we will be free of further responsibility.

As to your relatives, especially those who are deceased, by all means pray for them. God, who created all of us in His image, is the only Judge of the hearts and souls of men. Who knows, by your prayers, you will help many.

In Dostoyesky's "Brothers Karamasov," an Elder tells a young man that every morning when we rise from sleep, we should cross ourselves and say, "O Lord, have mercy on all those souls who will stand before Thee today. And perhaps, thousands of miles away, alone, unloved, and uncared for, a person reposes, and finds himself before the throne of God. At that moment your prayer is heard, and the soul if granted salvation." Can you imagine Irene, that if we do this faithfully, when we ourselves stand before God, those who by our poor prayers were saved will remember us?

As Orthodox Christians, we must alway pray every day and with all our hearts, Do not worry what others say, for in your heart, you know what is right. Great saints like Vladika John were open to everyone. I am sure you have heard the story that when he was the bishop of Shanghai, he was visiting a hopital during Bright Week. In one of the rooms an old Jewish woman was near death, and her family was standing around her filled with sorrow, for she had been a good mother and had lived her life in a godly manner. As he walked by her room, Vladika stopped and blessing the woman with the blessing cross in his hand shouted "Christ is Risen," and continued on down the hall. In a few minutes, the dying woman sat up in bed, and said to her children, "Please, get me something to eqat, for I am very hungry!" She returned home in a few days completely well. You see, Vladika's heart was filled with so much love that his Paschal greeting was sufficient to restore the woman to life!

Of course, we are not such saints, but every one of us of can pray for others and help them perhaps even aid them to salvation. Prayer is our way of speaking to God, it is our comfort in sorrow, our joy in blessings received, it is our way of asking God's forgiveness, it is our very best way of expressing love-for God and our neighbor.

Dear Irene, may you and yours have a blessed and peaceful Great Lent.

Humbly,
hieromonk Averky

[Irene]

Dear Fathers and List Members

Please forgive me for any offence that I have given you.

In Christ,
irene

[Vasiliki D.]

Should females pray for the opposite gender and vice-versa? The reason I ask this is it came up a few weeks ago and I recal taking notice of the comment but was side-tracked by so many other conversations I never really explored the comment further.

I think the idea is should a female pray for multiple people of the opposite genda and vice-versa not a single specific person ... is there a complication that can arise because a female prays for a male or a male prays for a female?

It would be interesting to hear responses because I think my friend mentioned that some father of the Church had said that we should not be praying for more than one??

Vasiliki

[Paul Cowan]

I think it is an injustice to try to restrict people from praying. Vasiliki, you have my permission to pray for me any time you want. That goes for the rest of you too.

Paul (The worst of of sinners)

[Vasiliki D.]

I think it is an injustice to try to restrict people from praying. Vasiliki, you have my permission to pray for me any time you want. That goes for the rest of you too. Paul (The worst of of sinners)

Dearest Paul, may God enlighten your mind, your heart and your soul continually! May you partake of His mercy in ths lifetime and be fortunate to see His mercy in the Kingdom to come.

Yes, limiting our prayer would be an injustice to ourselves first and foremost ... I have always believed that to pray for another is to pray for yourself first .. how can you love your neighbour if you can not love yourself? hence, I think, for whom should one pray? ourselves albeit it might sound selfish but is the least selfish since by perfecting our reptentance we inadvertantly treat others differently and without realising it become a living prayer for the sake of others!

[Matthew]

Dear Fathers and List Members

Please forgive me for any offence that I have given you.

In Christ,
irene

Dear Irene,

I don't believe that you have any reason to apologize, and I don't believe that you gave any offense.

Thank you for asking a heartfelt and open question. I think that this is a very fundamental question, and how we pray for others defines who we are as Orthodox Christians.

I also share your question of who to pray for. I have great-grandparents that I have never met. My spiritual father made a point to tell me to make a list, and make it complete, and give it to him to say. Those prayers will be said at the appropriate services. It's important to pray for their souls, but if you don't really know them closely, let your priest say his prayers for them, as he would for any departed one.

I try to hate no one, and I fail. Many others hate me, with much more success. Everyone, unfortunately, has enemies. Or adversaries. Or people they don't quite like. It's also important to pray for the people who wish you harm, whether you know it, or cause it, or not.

You mentioned a certain someone who harmed you, and you started off not even being able to speak that person's name. And you also said that you progressed from that point, towards being able to pray for that person. I have a similar story: someone who literally sought my life tried to take it from me. It took me a long time to be able to pray for him. And soon after I did, I ran into him face-to-face at a restaurant.

I believe (and don't know, but assume some things, such as) God was very interested in testing my forgiveness. I had prayed to God to take good care of this man; He made sure I would forgive him in the same way that I expect to be forgiven. The Lord's prayer is very clear about this in my opinion.

As I write this, I realize this has been a theme for me for a long while. God has given me many opportunities to forgive someone, and I later understand their reasons for their trespasses, which then goes a long way to help my original forgiveness.

Irene, it sounds like you're on the right path. Don't doubt it. Say the prayers, even simple ones upon meeting someone. Don't feel too much pressure to list every generation; consult your priest. And above all, please continue to do good. Which you already are doing.

With much love,

Matthew