How to practise love without going beyond one's own strength?

[Charalambos Andrew Geo]

I was wondering how can one not go beyond one's own strength in trying to practise love, how does one think, speak and act in love. how can one be aware of his/her limits that he/she might being niave/unwise may not realise the consequences, how can one not mistake real love for possible pride, how can one attain the christ like humility required to attain love, pray is a big part of it, i know a spiritual advisor is also a big help and being aware of one's sinful state, but love for God and man is the most important thing. A man was given the grace by the Holy Spirit to love as he dcided to act out of love to others.This happened 15 years after asking several monks what the most important thing is, it may be in Fr Sophroni's Words of Life.

if your young how can you practise it without going beyond your strenght. how can we know our limits. so we may love humbly and grow spiritually.

With love in Christ
Charalambos

[Melissa]

Dear Charalambros,

Following are some of the thoughts that occurred to me as I read your query about loving, in your post.

If you are young, or really at any age, striving to understand what it means to be Orthodox, seeing yourself and others from an Orthodox perspective, seems important to loving well. As you practice the wonderful things you mentioned -loving God, prayer, talking to your trusted spiritual advisor, trying to live in humility; and attending liturgy and other services, receiving the Eucharist, participating as you can in the life of your parish, and so on - you are already growing in love as you meet the challenges those things will bring up. The better you know yourself in these ways, the more clearly you will express your love of God in your personal relationships, and it eventually may become just "how you are". Or it may always be an effort you choose to put forth, in order to be more faithful.

I'm not sure what you mean by "beyond your strength", but I believe loving someone is a commitment as much or more than an emotion (passion), and as such, it's less subject to the kind of variation that emotion causes; in that sense it's often less troublesome and fatiguing. If love for someone is to evolve into a personal, mutually committed relationship, having your mutual love for God, practised in humility with each other, at the center of the relationship, is something to be cherished.

There's a good book called "I Love Therefore I Am" - I'm terrible at remembering authors (is that maybe Fr. Sophroni?) and I can't go get it right now, but it may help in general if you haven't read it yet. Also, the "Spiritual Psalter" is very good for attending to matters of loving God, confession, forgiveness, and humility, which are hallmarks of a loving soul.
Charlambros, I'm not so young anymore, and I've spent my life trying to love God, and allow that love to move through me to others, and to support my personal relationships. I've made a lot of mistakes and am still learning "how." Yet God has blessed me with much love in my life, always calling me back in that way. My prayer is that He has and will for you also, for there is no greater gift than the privilege of loving our Lord "the only Lover of mankind" first; and then learning to live that out in our earthly lives becomes a blessing in itself. May you relish the journey.

In Christ,
Melissa

[Alex Haig]

Dear Harry,

Christ is Risen!

If there were a set formula telling us how to attain all that you have described then we would all be saints! It is inevitable, however hard we try, that we will fall short of Christ's command to "love one another; as I have loved you" (John 13:34): this does not, however, let us off the hook! Christ said: "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." (John 15:13). We should aim for this complete love and self-giving that Christ has taught us, whatever the consequences of this may be.

With love in the Risen Christ

Alex

[John Curtis Dunn]

When the subject line of this post appeared in my in-mail, I deleted it. The subject line read like many other junk mailings which arrive unsolicited in the in-box.

Simply do not think to highly of yourself.

john dunn

[Moses Anthony]

Dear Charalambos,

Isn't that the whole point though, that in Christ we're to love others beyond our own strength. If this were not the case the command of our Lord Jesus Christ to love others as I have loved you, would not be worth uttering. There's an O.T. character who prayed that God would enlarge his borders, that the hand of God might be with him...(1Chron.4:10 -Jabez), and God granted him his desire.

Personally, I'm impatient, a perfectionist(my wife says so), not very compassionate, too selfish, prone to being angry over small matters;...the list could go on, but if I am to love others as Christ has loved me, and love my neighbor as myself, I cannot stop loving when it hurts, as it bumps against the borders of my sinful heart.

To this simple mind, (forgive me Hrman), that seems to be the ultimate point in theosis/deification; that, by the mercy and grace of God we grow to be more than what we can comprehend.

"We can only see a little of God's love -
A few rich treasures from His mighty store:
But out there - beyond,
beyond our eyes' horizion,
There's more - there's more!

ANONYMOUS


the sinful and unworthy servant

[Daniel Jeandet]

One thing I read once said that if you want to do something good for someone, but you are prevented from doing it, and this makes you upset, then you were not really doing it for the person, but for yourself.

[Douglas Barber]

I think this question that Charalambos asks is the very sort of thing which in a perfect world we would each be able to take up with a spiritual director who has gotten to know us individually over time. It really requires a great deal of very subtle discernment, and a perspective outside the self, to avoid the many traps that self-deception can place in our path when we are striving to truly love rather than to act upon our own autonomous will - and self-will can be at its very most selfish when it clothes itself in the garment of "doing good" exactly because it becomes all the more difficult to see it for what it really is. Just think of the imaginary case of a father of seven children, who laudably decides that instead of going fishing with his friends every Saturday morning, he will visit a nursing home, but who then finds himself being more short-tempered with his children during the rest of the week. It's just not clear, given only the information that I've provided in this imaginary case, what this father ought to do - it would surely be best if he could turn to a spiritual director who knew the level of his individual spiritual maturity, his individual strengths, weaknesses, and characteristic temptations, to help him discern the right course.

[matt]

Not to go beyond what anyone else has said, but just trying to love and be kind and thoughtful for others is what gets us doing it correctly. Tying our love for God with love for everyone on a concrete level by actions and words and thoughts of love and forgiveness is a simple and very difficult course of action. Of course we have our own circumstances and personality quarks that should be addressed, but an overanalysis of loving can be quite dangerous- esp if it is taking our own temperature. We can become paralyzed with self-doubt or self-loathing and end up believing in the strength of our sins and weakness more than the power of God.

I know that many fathers have long discourses on love etc. I am not arguing against that at all! I am only saying that more often than not it is just doing it that shows us how to do it. And if we make a mistake in loving, God can handle it and we'll grow more and more into the fullness of the stature of Christ and attain his mind on these things.

If what I write makes zero sense, toss it out.