Judging others

[Marie Quirk]

"Yea, O Lord and King, grant me to see mine own faults and not to judge my brothers and sisters. For blessed art Thou unto ages of ages. Amen."

"Remember this, and you will no longer judge: Judas was an apostle, and the thief crucified at Christ's right hand was a murderer. What a transformation in an instant!" St. John of the Ladder

Dear all,

During this time of Great Lent when Orthodox pray the prayer of St. Ephraim I would appreciate any thoughts about this sin of judging that so readily and easily appears in the mind at times.(at least for me it is a constant battle) There are many sayings from the Fathers but how does one live that in the world? Every day we are faced with new situations and people and we must be on our guard. There is so much evil in the world. So one has to discern and judge whether something is good for one's salvation or not and yet remain humble and accuse oneself at the same time. How does one do that and not fall into sin of judging a person?

I don't know if I explained my question very well. But I hope to hear some of your good and wise thoughts.

In Christ,
Marie

[sue moore]

Dear Marie,

Though I've been a seeker of God for 30 years in Fundamentalism, now I'm a catechumen! I thank God each day for His mercy and love for leading me to orthodoxy. I also struggle with issues on judgement. What does one do when sitting at a table with brothers and sisters in Christ who begin to criticize the church or leadership? Should I recite the Jesus Prayer? Make an excuse to leave? It feels like I'm being stabbed in the heart when things are spoken against precious priests. I want to cover my ears! Does anyone have counsel about this?

please forgive me and pray for me
Sunny

[Daniel Jeandet]

Good question, well explained.

I have this problem also. Something that really helped me was reading a book about Elder Paisios that also contained some of his teachings. He talks about how destructive negative thinking is, and how the devil uses it against us. By God's grace, reading this illumined the darkness of my thoughts and revealed to me how little faith I had in God. I also read some other Holy peoples words about how everything that happens is allowed to happen by God, even the things that seem terrible, when I see them, I think of how God is okay with this happening, he isnt coming down to stop it, so I have no place in trying to determine if it is evil or not. But just leave it to Him. By Gods grace I have learned how to think more positively, and in learning not to judge my own circumstances, I am less inclined to judge people. But when I am sorry for myself, and feel like my life is not as it should be, it is quite clear to me that I am a saint among bad people (this thought also helps me justify my sins and forget them). If we have the True God in mind when we see people, we will think of how much he loves them, that he died for them, and that even if they do us harm, he allows this because we need to be broken up before we can be recreated. If, when we see people, we have the False Idol of God in our mind (the one who is like a fallen human and gets angry and stops loving those who sin and only does them good if they appear to be moral people), we might even think he agrees with our judgement of them, or that he will punish them for hurting us, when in fact, God needs people to hurt us and He needs us to accept and even take joy in the pain that comes from knowing we do not yet truly love others, while sincerely desiring to love them as God wants us to, and remembering that we cannot generate this love oursleves, but that the humility that comes from the knowledge of our weakness is the garden bed for Gods good fruits of love and seeing everyone as he does - already forgiven.

One thing I have done before when faced with some clergy and others who can be a bit scandalous in thier behavior, is letting a little bit of doubt creep into my mind about thier true state. I let myself speculate on the possibility that they are pretending to be small time sinners in order to hide thier deep and very real virtues. I am actually convinced that this is true in some cases and I am the only one who has worked it out yet. Wheather this is true or not has no bearing on my own life or spiritual state, but pondering the ways of the fools for Christ is a beautiful thing and a good use of any idle moment.

I sympathise with your dilema, this is one of my worst vices (worse than my drug addiction), it is scary how subtle and slimy the judgeing and negativity about other people can be, hidden but growing into a full blown state of total darkness inside me, always accompanied by a very satisfieing feeling of my own deep humility and watchfulness. Oh, Glory to God, He always lets me fall bad, every day, so I always get my mind back on my own pathetic and urgent situation.

The very helpful and grace filled teachings of saint silouan -
http://www.fatheralexander.org/booklets/english/siluan_e.htm#n2

[Katrina Delsante]

Hi Marie,
I struggle with this daily as well, but here is how I try to manage it. As soon as I make the judgment, I immediately remind myself of my blackest sin and/or if I have ever done the same thing. This then reminds me of how desperate I am in need of Christ's mercy and how much worse of a sinner I am than this person I judged. I then pray "Lord have mercy on us all!"

This really has helped alot, and although I still fall into the trap of this sin (and it is a trap!) I find it happening much less.

I hope this is what you were looking for...
In Christ,
Katrina

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

Dear Marie,

As long as we are alive we must struggle to be humble and to do this we must struggle to humble ourselves in all things until gradually this becomes a habit. If we are humble we will never judge others harshly because we will see our own sinfulness first. Also because we will see how despite our terrible sin Christ loves us, this will inspire us to love and not judge others harshly even more.

Of course there is evil and we must not engage in it. But to see & discern correctly we must see with the eyes of humility; without humility we will see only with the eyes of self-will; and to the degree that we see with self-will we will see falsely, 'upside down'. We will not see what evil is nor will we know what to do about this evil.

In this sense Great Lent is an effort to withdraw from the fantasy world that we are living in where self-will reigns. As we say, it is the time for repentance or in Greek- metanoia a time to get a new mind and new eyes to see with.

In Christ- Fr Raphael

[Marie Quirk]

Dear Katie, thank you for your response. Yes, to humble oneself after letting a judgement slip in is what I do. I also usually offer prayers for the one I judged.

Father Bless and thank you, "to see with the eyes of humility". I shall remember that. Because when I don't do that then it is my sick pride that sees things the wrong way.

Thanks Daniel, I will read again the teachings of St. Silouan. "have the True God in mind"...that is a good way to put it.

Thank you all for sharing your struggles.

In Christ,
Marie

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

Dear Sue-
Concerning criticising bishops & priests-

We must pray for the gift of love and also for simplicity; criticism which is a child of pride destroys the bond of love within the Body of Christ which is the Church. We all, priests included, have this sin and need to struggle against it. This sin rejects the guidance & love of God for us, since He will only (in order for us to learn love & humility) work through His weak members and not our exalted self-will.

How often, hardly without seeing it ourselves, do we reject what we don't want to hear from our priest simply because it is difficult to hear and then become enthusiastic over something we like?

Sue as you embark on your path towards the Christ's Holy Church I want to share something with you that I am sure will be a good lesson: the hard things your priest will tell you often contain more seeds of love & concern than what is easy.

In the love of Christ- Fr Raphael

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

Dear Daniel,

How wonderful to see that you wish to combat this sin of judging others which as you say is 'subtle & slimy.' One way to struggle against this is by the reading you are doing- this provides a model of the correct direction to go in; but when we read it also shows a measure of humility since this shows we do not trust ourselves; and finally, the Holy Spirit brings to our hearts the ability to love in as much as we first humble ourselves. So reading accomplishes a lot for us; it should be part of our daily rule to keep out the 'subtle, slimy' things of this world.

In Christ- Fr R

[Melissa]

Dear Father Raphael,

This was a very concise and helpful statement.


In this sense Great Lent is an effort to withdraw from the fantasy world that we are living in where self-will reigns.

Thank you.
Melissa

[Melissa]

Dear Marie Quirk,

I also struggle with this issue. It seems that we must be humble, and not judge, and yet make discernments about what and who to allow in our lives, including clergy, because no one is immune from sin, and some very bad things have happened because people didn't acknowledge and help sinners who were actively hurting others. But those people don't deserve our condemnation and/or gossip; but rather our help and our prayers. And we dare not condemn.

So I believe there's a difference between the judgement that is discernment, and the judgement that is condemnation. I believe one can be made without sin, even lovingly and with forgiveness, and the other can't. We often need help to know the difference.


Daniel J. - it is scary how subtle and slimy the judgeing and negativity about other people can be, hidden but growing into a full blown state of total darkness inside me, always accompanied by a very satisfieing feeling of my own deep humility and watchfulness.

What a perfect description! And how easily I can fool myself. I thank God for our priests, monastics, and saints, for their examples and help.

Melissa