Preparing for Great Lent

[Irene]

Dear Fathers and List Members.

I am preparing my mind and heart for Great Lent and have been reading the archives and other sources about Lent. However there are some things I don't understand, if anyone has some advice for me I'd be extremely greatful.

Originally, (although I was a Christian before Orthodoxy), I had never heard of Lent or fasting. My introduction to Orthodox Lent was not great and full of errors. I've been learning and understanding more and more the types of food to abstain from and when.

I am particularly looking for:-
1) Quantity - how much a person should aim to limit themselves to in a day?
2) Also do you think I should I be imposing a limit on my teenage children.
3) Weaning the family off things like TV/computers and other empty activities.
4) As a weak person and a single mother how do I enforce these limits?

Thankyou very much in advance.

Irene

Please pray for me and my children - Christina, Genevieve and Alexander.

[Gilbert Gandenberger]

Irene, the best approach we have found for Lent, having raised five children, is to focus & emphasize the positive work we are to do in place of the lesser things we give up:

we fast to have money for the poor
we give up TV & empty "entertainment" to have time to love those who need us
we keep watch to pray and meditate on our Lord who loves us, and remember those whose needs we can only meet thru prayer.

We have always worked with our children and challenged them to find creative ways to serve with the time, money, and energy they free up during Lent, the time of bright sorrow!

Hope this helps!

[M.C. Steenberg]

Dear Irene, in a recent post you wrote, regarding the fast of Great Lent:


1) Quantity - how much a person should aim to limit themselves to in a day?
2) Also do you think I should I be imposing a limit on my teenage children.
3) Weaning the family off things like TV/computers and other empty activities.
4) As a weak person and a single mother how do I enforce these limits?

Mr Gandenberger has already offered an initial response, which is very helpful in that it gives as examples his own manners of explaining to his children the reasons behind our Lenten fasting.

Regarding the specific regulations on fasting, as per your questions: this is an oft-repeated answer in this forum (as well it ought to be, I think), but there is no substitute for taking these matters up with your spiritual father / parish priest. The rules on fasting are 'canons', and we must not forget that canon means 'rule', or 'yardstick'. A canon is meant to be the recorded guidance of the Church, in regards to Great Lent, as to the praxis it advises when possible. It is the spiritual responsibility of your bishop, through your priest, to ensure that these canons are met out in proportion to the abilities of you and your family.

As some general responses to your specific questions: First, regarding quantity, the Fathers suggest that we should eat as much as we need to perform our daily tasks, but never to satiety -- to fullness. We should always leave the meal table, especially during Great Lent, with a slight hunger remaining. If we can manage to reduce or eliminate one or another of our daily meals, so that we eat only twice, or even once, in the day, this is of great benefit; but all are not in a position to do this. With children, especially, these rules (canons) are to be carefully considered by your priest.

As regards television / computers: Great Lent is an ideal time to reduce or remove the presence of television. Computer usage too can be decreased, if it is not necessary. We recall that the purpose of such sacrifices is not only to deprive, but to make time for other obligations: prayers, almsgiving, reading, etc.

INXC, Matthew

[Irene]

Dear Gilbert and Mathew

Thankyou for helping me with my preparation for Great Lent. I will explain to the children the reason we fast, it will help them a lot I'm sure. Also, I will try and better myself to be an example for the children so they see that there is joy in fasting.

Irene

[Christopher]

With regard to fasting and how to do it, I thought you might like to hear what Elder Paisius the New writes in his "Epistles" (the quotes are actually the words of an elder that Paisius quotes in one of his epistles to his spiritual children).

The elder replies to a question why the Holy Fathers struggled “excessively”, that “when man puts off his old man, he becomes a ‘God-bearer’. Being found in this state, is it possible for him to desire material things? Sometimes they ate something and other times they forgot (…) they did not, like us, have need for food or sleep. They had strength because Christ abode in them.”

I understood this to mean that fasting is ultimately not supposed to be a “pain” a loss of something (not eating, not sleeping, etc.). By loosening our bonds that tie us to this world we become more able to attach ourselves to God. It is only through God that we can learn true joy. If we constantly look for material enjoyment (maybe distractions is a better word?), then it becomes more difficult to experience true joy. This true joy is acquired through spiritual means: “rejoice always, pray without ceising” (I Thess 5:16-17). I never understood how one could pray without ceising and why this had anything to do with joy, until I became Orthodox. Now at least I know what I should be doing, even if I am so far away from actually doing it!

As to our own feeble struggles, the elder relates the following parable: “one farmer may produce five thousand kilos of what by sowing 10,000 square metres and another, from 50,000 square metres, may not even receive back the seed he planted. Rather, the only thing he gets back are hands tired from the plough.”

I used to think that the more you fast the better, but that is not necessarily the case – God does not “need” our fasting (although He rejoices in our feeble efforts), it is us who need to fast in order to learn how to love the spiritual, rather than the world. If we fast, but there is no spiritual progress, then what have we really gained apart from “tired hands”?

The devil is cunning and has his plans even for those who labour hard at fasting – if they labour by their own will (without discernment) they could fall into pride and their labour will be for nothing.

This elder says that "a beginner, when he is not warred against, should sleep with discernment, as well as eat with discernment, so that he is not like the dizzy chicken, which gets eaten by the hawk. (...) When there is warfare, the beginner should then examine himself before struggling hard against his flesh - maybe it is not he flesh that is to blame but pride, criticism, etc."

So, I think one can say that fasting is a help in our feeble efforts to acquire spiritual (true) joy and when it is only a chore or a source of pride (as it was with the Pharisee), we must examine ourselves (or even better ask the more discerning to help us) to see what is lacking.

Of course I fail in this and I wish you all more success in spiritual labour.

God bless.

[Denise Marie Johnson]

Dear All,
I had a dear old friend who thought it silly for people to say they are giving up candy and such for Lent. Where did that get you?

She thought it better to give up "words". Such as gossip, angry words, etc. Learning that for a couple of weeks should carry over into the rest of the year.

She was such a tiny little lady, that I am sure she never ate much anyway. She would secretly give generous amounts of money to our small parish, while she lived very frugally.
denise

[Irene]

Thankyou Christopher your posting is very interesting.

You said "The devil is cunning and has his plans even for those who labour hard at fasting - if they labour by their own will (without discernment) they could fall into pride and their labour will be for nothing.", and this is something I always worry about, I frequently hear a prideful/boastful voice creep into my thoughts and have to start praying to stop it, I should be praying more to guard against it.

I know of a cradle-Orthodox person who always fasted so hard that they lost a lot of weight and smelt of acetone during lent, but they never really got the point of Orthodoxy and lent; and now, unfortunately, they haven't been to Church for years now, although they are always preaching to others about Orthodoxy. It's extremely sad and all I can do is pray for this person and their family.

I wish you success in your spiritual journey also.

Irene

[Gilbert Gandenberger]

My bishop has said that Lent of course is a time for repentance from sin, but we don't have to wait for Lent to give up sin! Every day is a new opportunity to repent.

Our Lenten fasting is an opportunity to move beyond the negative work, pulling up the weeds of vice, to the positive work of building virtue. Fasting can help in both; the Fathers have consistently said that fasting is very beneficial for lust and of course gluttony. But it also provides the positive benefit of us sacrificing to be able to love - almsgiving - with the money we save by not buying food.

I agree that "giving up candy" is not the intent of Lenten fasting. If we are obsessed with candy, then we should do that. But the call of Lent is much higher than token gestures at "spirituality". It is the season that (in my experience) God calls us to discover more of His heart of love for us as seen in the sacrificial life of Christ. He was the great Living Sacrifice, and we are called to become more like Him. Lent helps us in this great unending journey!

[Fr Averky]

Dear Friends,

the Forty days of Great is our spiritual "tithe" given to God in gratitude for all His many blessings to us.. We fast on Wednesdays to remember that our Saviour was betrayed and given up to death by Judas. We fast on Fridays becuse it is the day of the crucifixion of Our Lord.

The Fasts before Dormition and Nativity are sober preparations for great feasts; one to marvel at the repose of the Most Pure Mother of God and her pure soul being taken to heaven by her Divine Son.

Second, for Christmas in the Western confessions, while people are partying-drinking, reveling and shamlessly overeating, caring not about the seeming obscurity and poorness of the place where the Divine Infant lay, while we Orthodox prepare ourselves spiritually in waiting for the Greatest Birth took have ever tken place. We deny ourselves, taking upon ourselves a "poverty" from those silly and useless things with with others fool themselves. Then has with Pascha, the Bright Feast come, and we sing and celebrate, our tables are full, we greet each other with the Feast and the non-Orthodox are trying to figure out how they are going to pay for all the already forgotten trinioets and toys which they bought in excess, while not giving even a thought why they are "celebrating."

Our Lord started His servicew to His Father by Fasting for Forty days and forty nights. When His disciples could not cast out demons in His name, he said that this could only be accomplished by "prayers and fsting."

While of course it is a good thing to do good works when we cannot fast, we should always fast as best we can, not granting ourselves little dispensations. In these last days, there are very good reasons nutritionally that could be given for not fasting properly. Taking into consideration that that we are becoming an unsightly and obese nation, with special concern being shown for children, it would be good to teach them very early on to fast, and for the rest of the time to eat in moderation. To our pampered society- "podvig" is defined as "inconvenience." We complain how difficult it is to fast and that we get too "weak." Consider the multi-billion dollar diet business. It never is pleasing to God to take "the easy way out."

Fr. A.

[Daniel Jeandet]

Father Averky, I dont know if its me or you, but your posts seem to be getting better with time. Im really glad we were able to sort out our misunderstanding from the email problem before the fast begins.

We should try to be reconciled to everybody we may have hurt or we allowed to hurt us in preparation for the fast and feast of our most merciful God and Savior Jesus Christ. If we do not give mercy, how can we expect to recieve it? This is taking me a long time to learn, but Father Averky, through you our Lord has taught me some things about this.

I am looking forward to Lent and Pascha. Thanks everyone on the board for everything and thank God and His Holy Mother for this website, thankyou Matthew, this is the most contact I have with other english speaking Orthodox and I have got alot from this place.

[Melissa]

I too am preparing for Lent, and as Forgiveness Sunday aproaches, am reflecting on who I may have offended or hurt. It's harder to tell over the internet, but I sense there are a couple of people whom I may have offended. I beg your forgiveness if this is the case.
Please pray for me if you can, during Lent especially, as it is always a time of temptation and challenge for me. I will have all of you in my prayers, also.
In Christ's love, Melissa

[John Wilson]

I've been doing a bit of reading in the dictionary (a bit light on plot, but I haven't lost my place yet) on the names of the days or period leading up to Lent, and I must say that it is both eye opening and saddening given how those days have come to be understood by most people.

For example, "carvival or carnivale" appears to originate in the Latin "carnem levare" or Italian "carne levare" meaning the putting away or removal of flesh (as food), the name being originally proper to the eve of Ash Wednesday. The actual Itatlian "carnevale" appears to have come through the intermediate "carnelevale". In Greek, it is known as "apokreo" which is formed from "apo" and "kreas", meaning "away from meat". All the historical references to the term reject the suggestion founded on another sense of levare, "to relieve, ease", that carnelevarium meant "the solace of the flesh (i.e. body)" before the austerities of Lent. Obviously, the indulgence of the passions that carnival has become known for has absolutely nothing to do with its original intent.

Similiarly, the period leading up to Lent is known as "Shrove-tide". Shrove is undoubtedly related to shrive (and shrift) and refers to the custom of being shriven in preparation for Lent, "shrive" meaning confession and penance. In many countries, carnival has been extended to the last three days or the whole week before Lent. In France it comprises Jeudi gras, Dimanche gras, Lundi gras and Mardi gras, i.e. Thursday before Quinquagesima, Quinquagesima Sunday, Monday, and Shrove Tuesday. "Mardi gras" means literally "fat (as in obese) Tuesday" and I'm not sure that it had to do with stopping the use of fat in cooking. "Quinquagesima" has to do with the number 50, and names the whole period from this Sunday until Holy Pascha (Easter) which is 50 days. In Greece, this period of fasting is called Sarakosti, meaniing Forty, because from Apokreo until Pascha there are forty weekdays where we eat no meat.

I thought others might find this interesting. I personally find word etymology fascinating.

Kalo Sarakosti!

John.

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

Dear Monachos Community,

In the past while I feel that a few of us have slowly drifted at times away from the specific guidelines of monachos which are outlined to us in the Community Outline & Terms of Use page. First it says that this (point d) is not an interfaith forum for general discussions Orthodoxy vs ... of course this may have its place and there are other forums for this. But if we are not careful this very special community becomes a debating society rather than a place where we genuinely struggle to mutually discover what the correct course for us is in our Orthodox lives. Of course this is not anyone's fault within the community; people are free to 'enter' and discuss what they wish. But in the past while some have come with assertions (not even questions) that to me seem aggresive; they are not inspired by a desire to learn what Orthodoxy has to say. When I have read such posts I have felt torn- to really answer would be almost a debate, or to answer so 'nicely' you end up saying nothing. I simply decided to turn away and avoid this; but I did think that the best advice someone gave to such a person was to go and read the monachos guidelines!

The second matter is concerning spiritual direction. This is outlined for us in point e.

To me at least there is great profit in our common effort to come to basic answers about issues we have questions about. But when the questions become ones of very specific spiritual guidance I question this. When we in monachos have been given the guideline about spiritual direction it really is patristically guided ie. if we do not follow it we can all fall into a spiritual situation that is not good for us or even harmful. Usually specific questions of personal spiritual guidance are dealt with in a private & personal way with one's spiritual father. He is the one who intercedes for you before God in a very special way. Also when we ask personal questions in a public forum confusion can result- what if another priest has a different or even an opposing 'take' on the matter? Either a priest feels he cannot answer for fear of conflicting advice (this is clearly wrong in a public forum) or else if he does answer we get potentially conflicting advice. Perhaps I could if it is permitted offer the following advice: when at times I thought that questions asked of me were moving towards what I felt was personal and did not belong in a public forum I emailed the person involved privately; I advised them to speak with their priest or spiritual father; I then said that if after praying they still felt the need to talk about certain spiritual matters then we could communicate via private means. Could I suggest that we communicate personal matters via private email or phone?

I pray I have not caused offense to anyone;I hope I am reflecting what is set out as the guidelines for us at monachos; and also I wanted to let you know that by trying to follow this advice I believe we profit by it spiritually.

In the love of Christ- Fr Raphael Vereshack

[Melissa]

'Yes', Father Raphael, re: post #68. Thank you for bringing these matters to our attention. I've had similar questions at times myself, but the posts weren't addressed to me so I didn't know how to handle it (and, shamefully, sometimes what I felt wasn't very kind). I appreciate your direction.
Melissa

[M.C. Steenberg]

Dear all,

I just wish to express my thanks for Fr Raphael for his recent post (his #68 in the present thread). My thanks to all who are so attentive to preserving the unique focus and character of this community.

As a reminder, the Community Outline can be found online by clicking this link (http://www.monachos.net/other/mb_tos.shtml). It explains in detail what this community is and is not for, in terms of focus and discussion, and gives some guidelines on keeping its conversations on topic. The points which Fr Raphael brings up in his post are all reflections on this Outline, so I do encourage you all to take a few moments to read it.

Wishing all a blessed cheese week,

INXC, Matthew

[Irene]

I only just read your post no. 68 Father Raphael, Sorry to you and to Mathew and the Monachos community if I have written anything I wasn't supposed to. I've read through the list guidelines and think I understand them.

I am going to try very hard and curb my internet use during great Lent. I pray that everyone finds Lent very spiritually rewarding.

In Christ Irene

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

Dear monachos community,

Please do not take my post as a rebuke or even as referring to a particular set of postings. This was something I saw ocurring with our community from when I entered it; at first I felt it was not my place to speak openly but now after time has gone by I felt it a responsibility. My basic point was referring back to the guidelines of monachos and also my firm belief that these guidelines are for our spiritual safety. If anyone is guilty of something it is certainly myself first of all.

In the love of Christ- Fr R