A proper confession

[Robert Hegwood]

The making of a proper confession is something I've long been unsure about. I really can't say I know how to do it.

First there are the proper forms and responses. They don't stick in my memory and don't remember the right things to do or say in the proper order.

Second, I really don't know what to confess. In many respects I am pretty much a home body. Don't go out a lot, not given to partying or riotessness, don't get drunk, rarely say a bad word, don't do porn...etc...in other words I live a life most would consider boring. I go to work come home, get something to eat, get on the computer/watch tv, and that is pretty much the sum total of my social life.

I'm not saying I don't have sins, I have a lot, its just they are sort of concentrated (so far as I am aware) in just two or three areas. Most of them would fit under "indifference, or sloth".

So once I confess about "rules" like not keeping the fast well, or missing a service or being late without good reason, and then confess I've been slothful and indifferent in XYZ areas...all of which takes less that a minute or two...I'm stuck. It seems to my heart there ought to be more...but my head is drawing a blank. And even what I do know to confess seems so surface and so banal.

Maybe I'm hiding stuff from even myself, or not counting stuff as sin that perhaps I should count. I don't know, but for me making confession is so disorienting...just a big open horizon where I don't know how to point myself.

I've wondered if perhaps it would help to just talk about my life to my confessor and then from that work out a confession list...but that would take hours my priest probably just doesn't have. Sometimes I wish I had access at least once to a clairvoyent spiriutal father at a time when I was prepared to receive and act upon his holy counsel....and just do an attic to basement Spirit directed housecleaning....but no one is knocking on my door yet or sending me postcards inviting me to this or that monastery. Which of course is as it should be, such spiritual fathers have more promising souls to counsel than mine.

But all the same I want something more out of confession than I'm getting. Maybe I'm not putting enough into it...but I'm clueless about what that might be beyond the standard stuff of regular prayer and church attendace which I don't do well enough or often enough because of the sins of sloth and indifference...the church thing is improving (not late as often, making more midweek service)since my last confession...but not the prayerlife thing which right now much more limited and haphazard than it ought to be. Its a habit I once had that got disturbed several years ago by a certain set of circumstances, and once that situation was gonebI've never been able to recover consistently or for very long...and don't understand why. I know I need to, and a big part of me wants to...but somehow it never seems to happen, and when it does its in timid spurts and fits that finally fizzles.

That sort of thing has been the general kind of thing I confess to for years now...but I know I'm guilty or at least should consider myself guilty of much more besides...but that's the only thing that seriously bumps my conscience. And that makes for a short and seemingly incomplete confession.

Maybe some wise soul or experienced priest will have some insights, for I have none.

[Antonios]

I'm neither a wise soul nor an experienced priest, but here is a prayer (http://www.orthodox.net/confess/lament.html) written by one who was both. Reading it always seems to make me see my sins much more clearly.

[Alec Lowly]

Antonios writes:

"I'm neither a wise soul nor an experienced priest, but here is a prayer written by one who was both. Reading it always seems to make me see my sins much more clearly."

Thank you, Antonios. This lament is a wellspring of contemplation.

In XC,
Alec, sinner

[Moses Anthony]

According to the particular Rite in which one worships, there are different forms followed. I mean to say by using forms, that there're different things done.

However; the one constant is that when the Holy Spirit convicts the heart, confession is made concerning that about which the Spirit convicts, and that which we know needs confessing.

The amount of time spent in the sacrament, is wholly up to your confessor, whom if you've spent time with, should know when to instruct you to probe deeper into your life for things to confess. It is a matter of not just knowing you, but also knowing the movements of the Holy Spirit!

an unworthy servant

[Silouan Wollert]

Thank you, Antonios, for this text. It speaks to me deeply.

Silouan

[Maria Murray]

Seraphim,
I know this is an old thread, but I came across it because I have been having similar difficulties, increasing with each time I go to confession.

Confession used to be easy because I had sinned in very clear-cut condemnable categories, but as time goes by, I find it increasingly difficult to describe what exactly I am guilty of, I know I am definitely a sinner, but the sins seem to be in a cobweb of mental issues and thoughts which I cannot untangle or say what exactly is sinful. I have tried to write it down but when I read it it sounds like these are not sins. I wish I could be like the prodigal son who knows what he is sorry for. When I tried to say what I could, the priest usually said I was being too hard on myself. I also feel like I'm missing the real sins and worrying over little stuff.

I have read through the suggested prayers and some books like Ioann Krestiankin's confession guide, which is very detailed. I am certainly guilty of most things they mention but simply repeating those phrases from the books feels too formal and insincere. I still feel like I cannot untangle what I need to say.

I wonder if you found any good insights for your practical application of confession since you posted this?

[Robert Hegwood]

Dear Maria,

Happy Feast,

Long time no CW (insider reference). I can't say that a lot has changed since my first post in this thread. I do wonder though if my ability to see the condition of my soul clearly is a function of the strength of my struggle to do the good I know to do before being "expanded"/"deepened" to do what should come next. St. John Climacus spoke of some he knew who were tethered to particular weaknesses and their went round and round in their spiritual life like an ox at mill rather than advancing in spiritual things. So maybe that is part of my problem....I've got to do the groundwork to break free of that yoke, and then will come the liberty to prepare better and to do/see more.

In the meantime the general advice of my priest is to concentrate on those things that are on my conscience.

[Andreas Moran]

I once said to Archimandrite Zacharias that I didn't know of what to repent. He replied, 'repent of that!'

Bishop Eirenaios once said that whether or not we have obvious sins to confess, we can always repent that we fall so far short of the perfection to which we are called. 'Imagine', he said 'that you stand before Christ Who is perfect love and goodness, and compare yourself with Him. This is how the Fathers, who seem sinless in our eyes, were able to maintain deep repentance and shed tears even though the world considered them angels in the flesh. But we can only gain such a sense of our unworthiness if we know Christ. Therefore, if we cannot have this kind of repentance the Fathers had, let us repent that we know Christ so little.'

[Nina]

I once said to Archimandrite Zacharias that I didn't know of what to repent.

LOL You are brave!

[Paul Cowan]

Seraphim,
I know this is an old thread, but I came across it because I have been having similar difficulties, increasing with each time I go to confession.

Confession used to be easy because I had sinned in very clear-cut condemnable categories, but as time goes by, I find it increasingly difficult to describe what exactly I am guilty of, I know I am definitely a sinner, but the sins seem to be in a cobweb of mental issues and thoughts which I cannot untangle or say what exactly is sinful. I have tried to write it down but when I read it it sounds like these are not sins. I wish I could be like the prodigal son who knows what he is sorry for. When I tried to say what I could, the priest usually said I was being too hard on myself. I also feel like I'm missing the real sins and worrying over little stuff.

I have read through the suggested prayers and some books like Ioann Krestiankin's confession guide, which is very detailed. I am certainly guilty of most things they mention but simply repeating those phrases from the books feels too formal and insincere. I still feel like I cannot untangle what I need to say.

I wonder if you found any good insights for your practical application of confession since you posted this?

Dear Maria,

Perhaps asking yourself some of these questions (http://www.orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/guide-to-confession.aspx)might proove beneficial?

Paul