Just need someone to talk to

[Heather Morinelli]

Hi everyone...My name is Heather, I'm new here. I'm so happy to see a message board where the members aren't insulting each other with all the postings...

I'm not Orthodox quite yet...but will be baptized in a few months. I am a single mother with two children (they will be baptized also), we're waiting for my daughter's godmother-to-be to return from Greece. I also wanted to do the more traditional approach and learn the Faith more in-depth before our baptism.

To tell you the truth, I'm in kind of a difficult situation. I live quite a distance from my Church (Greek Orthodox). And it's the ONLY Orthodox church in this WHOLE county. To go to a different church would mean 2 to 3 hours one way. The Church I go to now takes about an hour, depending on traffic. I used this as an excuse for a very long time (almost a year)to not attend the Liturgy, but I have become very thirsty. The distance isn't really the big issue though. I am very thankful that there is a church within this reasonable drive...

The main issue is the THIRST. The more I read and learn, and attend Church, the more I need and want. The problem with all this reading and learning is that I haven't any guidance. I have a multitude of thoughts and feelings swimming around in my heart, that I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. The priest of my Church is inaccessable, because he lives very far from the Church. I love our priest, but whenever I have talked to him, he seems very focused on the parts of my life that I am OK and secure with. He seems very interested in my occupation and how much money I'm making....

Even my "sponsor" doesn't seem to fit well with me. I love her very much also, and am extremely thankful to her---but she is EXTREMELY busy. I cannot even hold a conversation with her without being interrupted by a phone call or some other interruption....I guess I'm just seeking more. We've made a couple of visits to a monastery that is about 2 and a half hours away...There is no way to express how much benefit came from those visits!!!
I just feel SO alone here in this little town. The tension with my very small family that lives nearby has been very uncomfortable to say the least. I don't have any friends (which is nothing really new...I've always been a loner).
I really hate to sound like I'm complaining, because God has allowed me more than I deserve...but I have questions, concerns, and fears....as each day passes, I feel something burning more strongly in my chest. I've prayed, I've cried, I've read and read and read, I've bought several CDs of chant to listen and sing with, and I've prayed some more...but I only become more and more restless.

I know that all I've really accomplished in this posting is a bunch of rambling...but maybe just some encouraging words from someone would help me out. I'm normally a very shy person in approaching other people...and sometimes I'm scared that because of this, I may never find whatever it is that I'm searching for...
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and if you are so moved, to respond to it.
-a poor and unworthy sinner, heather

[Br Paul Zimmerman]

Christ is Risen!
Greetings to you Heather from down under in Australia. Your isolation is understandable and makes it difficult for you. There are many people out here in the Orthodow world who would only be too happy to help you.You need to talk about your faith and search. Feel free to contact me privately or on the Post. I am sure there are lots of people here for you to talk too.
Br Paul

[John Kapetan]

Heather: Hi. From one newbie to another just wanted to welcome you. Of course, I am not the official welcoming committee and I cannot speak for everyone, but Welcome. I too, joined about a month ago when I heard about the group from somebody on another group. I have noticed that there aren't a bunch of Internet intellectuals that have the need to flame everyone. Also, the group seems well moderated. You speak about thirst, and I think we are all in the same boat. I think everybody comes here with the thirst and hopefully we can walk away receiving enough to drink. I am no expert but, realize that everyone, myself included forgets to welcome a stranger because of our busy schedules. I'm no expert, but I hope this helped. Anytime you need to talk, either in the group or private e-mail, drop a line. John (a bigger sinner than you can imagine)

[Adam Cody]

Dear Heather,

". . .we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses . . ." Hebrews 12:1
From St.Matthew
22.31 And as for the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what was said to you by God, 22.32 'I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'? He is not God of the dead, but of the living."

The tradition of the saints, icons, and angels within the Church will also confirm...You are never alone!

Take this time to commune with the larger membership of the Church! :^>

A sinner,
Adam

[John Wilson]

Christos Anesti! Christ is Risen!

Welcome Heather,

I would like to second Adam's advice and add the following advice of Monk Paisios. Try and read as much as you can on the lives of saints rather than theology. Because of your isolation and the lack of a spiritual guide, it would be all to easy to fall into the trap of solely seeking to have "right" knowledge or "right" understanding when instead our main focus should be on "right" living. Our western rationalist background tends, unfortunately to push us in that direction and it is certainly true of my own experience.

The saints' lives are invaluable because they can teach us by their example. They were ordinary people like us who by the grace of God led extraordinary lives. Whenever we face difficulties we can take courage from how they faced even greater difficulties yet remained steadfast in their faith, plus knowing of them and their struggles, we can ask them for their prayers. If any saints particularly touch you, then try and get hold of an icon of them for your icon corner(we have quite an extended family in our own http://www.monachos.net/mb/clipart/happy.gif).

God bless you and keep you on the narrow path.

John.

[Marie Quirk]

Hi Heather and welcome to the group. I am pleased to see another female join the group. (no offense to the guys) I recently joined also so it is all new to me. I can understand the thirst that you speak about. That thirst can sometimes be painful and one can even feel tormented by it. But do not let that deter you in your search to quench it. ....YOu are in my prayers. And do not hesitate to contact me if you want to chat.

[Lawrence]

Christ is Risen!

Hello Heather

I feel alone at times also. I live two miles from my church. My priest and a priest from another parish, about seven miles away, are willing to spend as much time with me as I want. There is a monastery less than 40 miles away which I visit about twice a month as a laborer and guest.

When I feel this loneliness I just sit in front of my icon corner and open up my heart. Forgive me if you already have an icon corner, but if you don't here's a couple of links to start you out.
The Icon Corner "A How to Guide" (http://www.unicorne.org/orthodoxy/articles/alex_roman/iconcorner.htm)
How to Make an Icon Corner in Your Home (http://orthodox.truepath.com/articles/orthodox/family/icon_corner.htm)

It's wonderful that you have two children to join you in front of your icon corner for your morning and evening prayers. And that your children have you to lead them in prayer before their meals and to cense them before they go to sleep. The Church is in your home and the candle within the altar of your heart is always lit behind the iconastas. What a beautiful little parish you have.

Indeed He is Risen!
Lawrence

[Heather Morinelli]

Thank you all for your warm welcome.
When I read all these responses to my post, I felt tears welling up....but that's kinda just the way I am.

I was a little skittish about using the internet as a source for spiritual comfort, as it is hard to look at my screen, and imagine all you at your screens, being real live people--so forgive me if I seem a bit awkward---

Thank you again, and remember me, and especially my children (8 & 5) in your prayers.
an unworthy servant---heather

[Fr Averky]

Dear Heather,

You see, you are not so isolated after all! Brother. Paul has so graciously pointed out that he as well as others will be happy to support you. Our Holy Orthodox Faith is the "glue" which bonds us all together. Many of us have ben members for a long time, while others, like Brother Paul and I are new: yet God has led each of us to find this community, which is made up of many sincere people. We sometimes chew on each other and lose patience with each other, both publicly and privately, but in the end, I can say that we all desire to help each other along the road to salvation whcih at times is very lonely indeed. There are times when we will not understand what someone really wants to say, will take issue, and it will be like a national holiday, complete with fireworks, but in those fireworks sometimes, and more often than not, we see something about ourselves that we needed to see and to know, and that too is God's will.

In regards to being on your own, in a sense all of us Orthodox Christians are "alone," just as Our Saviour was alone all of His earthly life. We Orthodox are the "odd man out," we never quite fit in, and our friends and family think that we have gone over the edge and joined some exotic and strange religion. Our Saviour came to save His own, and they hated Him. We who have become Orthodox has given up the comfort of the world we knew, and have set out on a different course, having Faith sometimes as our only companion.

My secular name was "John," and when I became Orethodox, I took the name "Nicholas," and then when when I was tonsured, I was given the name "Averky." My mother, who did not become Orthodox until my ordination to the priesthood once said to my older sister,"He belongs to the strangest religion - every time I talk to him, he has a different name!"

Twenty seven years ago I had occasion to visit a very holy bishop, Archbishop Andrew of Novo Diveevo convent in New York State. Along with me was another novice, who had in his mind the same question you and so many of us new converts have had. "Who will give me spiritual guidance?" When he went in to to see him, the bishop said to him, "Your name is Makarios, is it not? Well, Makarios, just last week you had a question about the spiritual life, and you were sweeping the halls, and the door of a fellow novice was open, and you moved to close it. You saw a book open on his desk, and you took a step into the room and began to read what was on the page, and there you found an answer to a question that you had troubled you. In these last days, when there are no great elders, we must rely on the Holy Scriptures and the writings of the Holy Fathers for spiritual help." My own spiritual father, now Archbishop Hilarion, once suggested that if I had a problem, to open, seemingly at randon, a page in St. John of Kronstadt's wonderful diary, "My Life in Christ," and there I would find many answers - this has proven to be so over the years. I say "seemingly," because the Holy Spirit is always there to guide us. There will be days when we will be in near despair, because we do not know what to do, and we might have a simple converstaion, sometimes even with someone we do not even know, and in the course of that conversation, we will get the answer, for it was an Angel who was sent to us. Sometimes a child, or our own child will say something quite simple, but it will be the truth we needed to hear. No prayer ever goes unanswered.

Heather. it was nearly thirty years ago that I and my friend were so lost, and with out answers, and there was no internet, just books, and a few willing people here and there - and now there are good people like those on this forum, Marie, John Wilson, Brother Paul, Effie, Adonis, Adam and so forth who are willing to reach out their hands in friendship to help you. As Br. Paul and others have said to you, do not worry. Put all your trust in God, and all will work out. Do not worry about what you don't have -feel blessed for what God in His mercy has given you -so much more is on the way!


Be patient, for your journey has just begun, and there is a very rough road ahead - filled with traps, doubts, fears, and not knowing what will be next. All of us will tell you this is so. But all of us will also tell you that it has been worth it, for as it says in the Divine Liturgy "We have seen the Light, We have found the True Faith, worshipping the Holy Trinity, which has saved us!"Heather, could you ask for more?

Sincerely yours,

Hieromonk Averky

[Katrina Delsante]

Hi Heather!

I have never posted here before, only some serious lurking, but I really felt compelled to respond to your post.

Although I am a cradle Orthodox, I was away from the faith for a number of years and have returned with seemingly unquenchable thirst and at times that same burning in my chest. I have a 4.5 yo daughter and God-willing my second due at the end of November(it's been a rocky first trimester). My problem is trying to balance this thirst without neglecting my daughter! I want to lose myself in St. Silouan's writings, but then have a small child tugging on my sleeve "Mommy can we play Barbies now?" It's not easy sometimes.

Certainly I am not qualified to give any sort of spiritual guidance, but if you need to vent "mommy" stuff or whatever, you can email me. Actually, it sounds more like me needing to vent mommy stuff - ha-ha - God bless you on your journey.

Most Sincerely,
Katrina Delsante

[Effie Ganatsios]

Welcome Heather. My name is Effie and I live in Greece. You're not alone. Keep praying and keep reading - if the thirst you referred to ever goes away then I think you're in trouble. I find the discussions on this forum to be very instructive and there is always something new for me to think about. There are many wonderful Orthodox sites on the Web that provide information on all aspects of the Orthodox religion. Welcome again.

Effie

[Heather Morinelli]

Glory to God for all the responses that I've received, both publicly and privately. I truly appreciate all the encouragement.
Fr Averky thank you most sincerely--after reading your posting, I stopped a minute and considered my current situations. Indeed I am already blessed beyond what I deserve. Glory to God for His mercy. Sometimes it's easier to see what I don't have rather than what I do. There is a paragraph from a book I read recently that I will post later because I don't remember exactly which book it was in.....but it speaks of a man who while taking a break from his work saw a bird fly from one tree to another, and the man wondered why God did not give him wings so he could soar in the air like that bird....the story went on to point out that we should not dwell on the things we do not have...overlooking the innumerable blessings we already do have. I'll look it up and post it later....

There are a couple of Bible verses that I particularly draw encouragement from as this point...
"Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little." (Luke 7:47) and also "These thing I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

I also was touched by this verse Joel 2:25:
"Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locusts has eaten, the creeping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the gnawing locusts. My great army, which I sent among you."

I know that my sinful past is not a hopeless liability.
Thanks again for all your kind words and encouragement. I look forward to being a regular member in this forum. Fr Averky I was particularly touched when you pointed out that when I logged on to Monachos, then what happened to the Pilgrim also happened to me...Thank you so much. You are in my poor humble prayers, as is everyone else in this forum. Your strength will be of much help to me in this part of my walk, as I also have to support my kids....pretty much single handedly...

With much love.....heather