Confession & Repentance - Personal

[peter derick]

hello my orthodox brothers and sisters as im writing this email in a really depressed state i was wandering if some one can give me a comforting word i just came back to orthodoxy i didnt go to any other churches didnt go to any just lived a sinfull life when i went to church today i found the clergy deacon and priests angry with me i feel ashamed really wish i didnt walk away from the church before yeah not really any friendly words exept from my godfather who hasent been to bad with me the priests here have lack of discernment in a lot of things they do i dont wanna judge i love them i feel so sad i just wanna be an orthodox again and stay like that forever.........

[Fr. Gregory (Hallam)]

Dear Peter

Although I am on the other side of the world I would have to say that the facts as you present them (and I believe you) indicate that the clergy concerned haven't read the Parable of the Prodigal Son recently. Well, of course, they READ it a few weeks ago ... but are they applying it in your case? I think not. They sound more like the resentful elder brother to me rather than the forgiving father. You may email me privately if you wish.

[dianne marie debs]

Dear Peter,
We have to answer to God if we fall on our paths of salvation. I rejoice this evening with the news that you were lost and found your way home.
There is ,for sure, a celebration in heaven as well!!!!!!!
Humble advice as a caring sister ... Now, you have your work cut out for you, strenghten your faith so you won't be influences be earthly thing. Keep your mind in prayer and worship.

Our Lord will surely guide you.
I will pray for you as I humbly ask for you to pray for me and my family.
In the Name of Our Lord Jesus Christ,
Dianne

[Fr Averky]

Dear, dear Peter,
Don't be upset, remember, it is Great Lent, perhaps your first in a long time. As the weeks go on, people become tired from fasting, attending long services and become edgy and impatient. Perhaps your clergy were not even angry with you - let us hope that they were just tired. Sometimes, we take things too personally, and feel hurt, when we should quietly let it go. If something like that happens, the best thing to do is to sigh, and say, for my sins, for my sins.. Peter, when we think about it, when we are shamed or treated badly, and with no respect, first, we must think that if we were truly to be punished for our sins where people could see, we would be more than hurt or ashamed, especially if only they would come to know of our secret sins. Secondly, when others treat us badly when we are innocent or made a small mistake, when people reject us, and insult us, remember, this is the time to look at our sinfulness and failings, look at our Saviour Jesus Christ, beloved Peter. For Our sins He was slapped in the face, spat upon, crowned with painful thorns, mocked, and beaten with whips. When he was hanging upon the cross, people again mocked Him, even one of the theives crucified Him mocked Him, and He suffered it all for us. Can we not suffer, even a little, for Him? Let us think, especially during these weeks of Lent How He agonized in the Garden of Gethsamene, sweating blood, knowing that He soon would take upon His shoulders all the sins of mandkind. Christ said that if a person wanted to follow Him, he must take up his cross and follow HIM Peter, Dear Brothers and sisters, our life on this earth is the Way of the Cross, and our sorrows, failings, being treated badly, difficulties in relationships, suffering at the hands of others, loss of loved -ones, sickness; all of these are our cross, and if you will cheerfully carry your cross to the end to end, on the dread Day of Judgement, Our Lord and Savior, will tenderly take your cross, and replace it with a crown. You will be on His right side, being with Him forever. Don't you think it is worth some suffereing? Be at peace, and know that God loves you as His own. God bless you, my young friend.

In Christ,

Father A.

[Fr. Gregory (Hallam)]

When shepherds cease to be shepherds, shall we approve and merely encourage fortitude on scattered sheep? Is this a case of clergy closing ranks? No, sorry, Father A. This won't do. If I treated one of my flock like that I would expect to be challenged. Peter is not the one to do the challenging but he needs to know (I'm sure he does know) that this is not acceptable behaviour from a priest ... tired or not.

[peter derick]

hello brothers and sisters in christ i am very encouraged and touched to hear such encouraging words on such short notice thank you even as i read them and seen those emails my two brothers and sister in christ sent me even before i read all of them i was in a good sadness state once again thank you!!! the one thing that upsets me most i think is and it might sound ignorant but when those priests are angry at me and say hurtfull words i feel like god feels the same way as them he dosent but im thinking are they saying this out of inspiration of god cause of my sins? is this wrong? what there saying is this sinfull on there part? i just want to move on and be the best orthodox christian i can, i will sin many times before my death but i want to try my hardest to be doing more good i dont like to sin it hurts me and brings me sadness but to say the truth temptation prevails alot in my life hopefully i will get the better of it one day i am thinking of going to another orthodox church well i mean i am cause the priest in the greek orthodox here in australia where iam are just too undiscerning in there strictness i believe strictness is good at certain times but not all the time i am are very sensitive person i believe even if you see how i look my form i am very built and look kinda tough on the outside not like my inside i wish i could see yous who sent emails so i can hug yous and say thank you i really am thankfull and please pray for me i love yous allways bye for now. your brother in christ of australia......

[Fr Averky]

Dear Brother in Christ
Father Hallam,

Forgive me if I offended you by my answer to Peter. My answer was based on the fact that I don't know know Peter, his priest and his deacon. Furthermore, I know nothing of the situation which brought about Peter's clergy being angry with him. It was my desire to point out to Peter that as an Orthodox Christian, he should try to be humble, be at peace and go on. Being a priest yourself, I am sure that there have been times when some of your parishioners became very angry after you said something to them when they were being unreasonable, or expected you to side with them in some conflict, or you might have been correcting them for the sake of their salvation. or some minor thing. From my own experience, it always took me by surprise, for in my heart I knew that I was not angry, nor did I intend to hurt or upset the other person. In regards to Peter, I simply wanted to make peace as it were, and I refuse to judge a priest that I have never met, and as a priest, I feel it is better to cover another's sin, even if not knowing him rather than to condemn him. I could think all kind of judgemental things about you, Fr. George, for you seem to be judging two priest whom you have never met.I would not think of saying that another priest "is not a shepherd," for I do not know the circumstances of his life, the Cross he bears, or again the situation that caused Peter to bet sad. He himself says that he is very sensitive - you were young once, and know how confusing life is when you are young. Peter is joyful that he came back to church, but Father, we have to bear our cross! What is the Christian life without trials and sorrows?. And I must tell you, I spoke about this matter in a private e-mail and told him what he might do if matters continued as they are. I am not going to tell someone how to deal with their priest in a public forum. In my own life as a priest, I have been condemned for some things which were really almost silly, but I remained silent, thinking that I might not have been guilty of the false accusation, but there are many sins that I have committed, and therefore I was willing to accept the shame. I wanted to tell Peter, that if, for the sake of Christ, and as like Christ, we humbly accept rebuke, it will be pleasing to God. Which is better, Father, "challenging" the priest, or simply to humbly ask for forgiveness? Many times, just that single, humble act will move another to compassion and shame, bringing them to ask for forgiveness as well. If you ask forgiveness of someone who has reviled you, and he continues in his anger, you have followed the words and example of Our Saviour, while the other person condemns himself. We are Christians, and it is our bounden duty to forgive, we are not Muslims, who become filled with hatred and want revenge, nor are we Jews, who are proud of saying, "We will never forgive, we will never forget!" You well know the words of Our Saviour in which He tells us that if someone has offended us, before we bring our offering, go, and ask that person's forgiveness. I prostrate myself before you, Dear Fr. George, and humbly ask you to forgive me if I in my foolishness and lack of knowledge have offended you. I ask your most holy prayers, and will remember you and yours in mine. God bless you in your service to Our Lord.

Sinful,

Hieromonk A.

[Fr. Gregory (Hallam)]

Dear Hieromonk A.

You have not offended me in the slightest, (however as my header says I am Gregory not George :-)). I was only making a point that a priest should take special care to be solicitous and merciful in receiving a penitent returning to the Church. I made it clear that I was NOT counselling Peter to challenge his priest ... God forbid. However IF (note the conditional tense) I ever met such a priest and it was clear that he was angry rather than merciful ... I would most certainly challenge him ... as indeed would I expect to be challenged on a similar or another matter in which my sinfulness had prevailed over mercy. Certainly Peter should be humble ... as indeed should we all. However, in the respect of needless suffering caused to another we are not in error to question and even rebuke where necessary. I think my posts were conditional in tone though. Challenge a wise man and he will welcome it. Leave a fool alone ... to paraphrase the Scriptures.

[Fr Averky]

Fr. Gregory,

Forgive me for not seeing your nme properly. I do not know what church you belong to, but I do know that I not expect my people to question, challenge or rebuke me, not would they wish to do so. One day I spoke very sharply to one of our seminarians for doing something very foolish, and in church! He did not argue or defend himself, he humbly asked forgiveness, took my blessing, and left. In less than hour, someone came and told me that it had not been that young man, but another. I sent that particular person to his Spiritual Father and called for the one whom I had chastised. When he came to my cell, I was very sheepish, made a prostration, and told him that I was wrong, felt just terrible, and asked his forgiveness. He graciously smiled, and said, that he had forgiven me already, for even though he was innocent, this time, he added, he had accepted my harshness because he knows how much I love him and always want the best for him. He said that he is far from home, and his father is not here to correct him, so, for the time, I am his father. And I am not his Spiritual Father We chatted for a while, he was very cheerful, and when he left, he thanked me for watching over him. He accepted what had happened humbly, and for the sake of Christ.I can tell you Fr. Gregory, that it woulkd have never even occured to him to question, challenge, or rebuke me. Nor would our older adults either. I know the he loves God and the Church and will be wonderful priest and a true shepherd to his flock. And dear Father, this incident was not an isolated occurence, it is usual. I too have been rebuked by the Archbishop or my Spiritual Father, when a few times I did not even know what they were talking about. I asked forgiveness and remained silent.

I repect your words, but I still cannot judge another priest in a situation when I know nothing about him, the situation, what Peter said or did, what the priest said, and so on. My point has been that it is not fair to make even a "conditional" judgement about an unknown priest. If the priest is from Russia, then he too does not expect to be rebuked, not because he feels above approach, but because pious Russian Orthodox people deal with such situations quitly and with great respect. The priest is "Batiushka," the "Little Father of his flock." when I was first ordained, an woman in her late seventies said to me, "Father, I am old enough to be your grandmother, but still, you are my "Papa," and I look at you with love and respect. she could be tough, we many times sharply disagreed, but always, always, we compromised, had a cup of tea, sat and laughed, and parted dear friends. I think about her all the time... Each local church has its national character, and the society dictates such matters. Father, we always try to work it out

[Fr. Gregory (Hallam)]

Dear Father

I do not at all disagree with your approach and I was perhaps unwise to be so definite in my reproach, (even if conditional). You will understand that I think it so important that as priests we should always be merciful to people when they repent. "Anger" ... if it was like this just seemed so out of place. But, as you say, we are not "there."

[Fr Averky]

Dear Fr.Gregory.

I was reading our messages to each other, and had a good chuckle, for Peter got over his hurt, thanked people and went on, while you and I were going around and around. My Beloved Father Gregory, "Let us love one another that with one mind we may confess: The Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, the Trinity, One is Essence and Indivisible." I lovingly kiss your priestly hand in a Holy Christian and Brotherly manner, desiring nothing more than your good prayers, and God's richest blessings upon you and yours!

Fraternally yours in Christ,

Hieromonk Averky