Enduring suffering joyfully

[Olympiada]

Good Evening
This new forum is real impressive! What a gift!

Does anyone have anything to write about enduring suffering joyfully? This was brought up in another group having to do with liturgical music, and it seemed this was an appropriate place to start a discussion on it. Especially the suffering that comes from having a young child, and if anyone can write about it, being an Orthodox single parent.

In Christ
Olympiada

[Ken McRae]

Does anyone have anything to write about enduring suffering joyfully? This was brought up in another group having to do with liturgical music, and it seemed this was an appropriate place to start a discussion on it. Especially the suffering that comes from having a young child, and if anyone can write about it, being an Orthodox single parent.

Hello Olympiada,

I'm a little afraid to tackle this one for two reasons: first, I'm not Orthodox and secondly because I don't take suffering very joyfully, myself. I'm in my 40's, married only once, relatively late in life, and I have just one daughter, nine years of age. Many times I have felt the strong, almost overwhelming desire to leave my marriage, as it has been more often than not a heavy cross to bear.

What has kept me in it? A couple things: First, the realization that all life is suffering and that we must accept this basic fact or reality of life; or else a root of bitterness will spring up in our hearts, that will ultimately lead to our eternal destruction. It does not pay to try and escape suffering by running away from it. We must learn not only to take up our cross, but to embrace and kiss it, as it is the cross of our salvation. No cross, no crown!

It is not possible to save our souls without suffering. Nor is it wise for us to desire to dictate to the Lord concerning what kind of suffering we can or will endure, and what we won't endure. He knows best obviously, and so the key, in my clouded vision of things, is to accept or receive every cross as though it came direct from the hand of God himself, and to rejoice in the opportunity to carry it, in the footsteps of our blessed Lord!

In the tradition I come from, it is taught that in times of severe trial, when the weight of our cross feels too heavy to bear, we ought to draw spiritual strength from the continual remembrancce of the passion of Christ, and unceasing prayer in His name. If we can hide ourselves in the wounds of Jesus, as it were, and never loose sight of the sufferings He endured for us, and the glory that is promised to all who will patiently suffer with Him, then we shall by His grace learn the mystery of joyful long-suffering, and cease all desire to lay down the cross of our salvation.

I mentioned there were two things that kept me in my marriage: the other is my intense love for my daughter. I could never bring myself to see, even in my worst moments of trial and temptation, how my leaving would ever be a good and blessed thing for her. If there was a third thing that kept me in it, I would say it was the fact that I could see and accept how much suffering I have caused my wife too, because of my own great sinfulness and lack of self-denial. May the Lord pity and heal my evil heart, in His holy name, I pray!

[Byron Jack Gaist]

Dear Olympiada, Theophilus,


In the tradition I come from, it is taught that in times of severe trial, when the weight of our cross feels too heavy to bear, we ought to draw spiritual strength from the continual remembrancce of the passion of Christ, and unceasing prayer in His name. If we can hide ourselves in the wounds of Jesus, as it were, and never loose sight of the sufferings He endured for us, and the glory that is promised to all who will patiently suffer with Him, then we shall by His grace learn the mystery of joyful long-suffering, and cease all desire to lay down the cross of our salvation.

I don't think the RC tradition which Theophilus comes from is saying anything different on suffering to what Orthodox Christians believe about it. Suffering is all-pervasive. Even Buddhists recognise that, in the words of the 'first noble truth', or dukkha
"Birth is dukkha, aging is dukkha, death is dukkha; sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief, & despair are dukkha; association with the unbeloved is dukkha; separation from the loved is dukkha; not getting what is wanted is dukkha. In short, the five clinging-aggregates are dukkha." The difference with the Christian traditional approach to the problem of pain and suffering is that we do not understand these experiences outside of our personal and communal gratitude for the salvific Passion of our Lord. By responding to our personal suffering - of whatever kind, be it in marriage, or as single persons, or as parents, or by illness or failure or other losses - with faith, we become "partakers of divine nature" (2 Pet 1:4), embodying self-denying love in our sinful lives through faith and works in Him, who is self-denying love in His sinless nature. As regards suffering joyfully, well - Christians, I think, don't really believe in "happiness" as the world understands it; rather we see suffering as that which turns ordinary happiness into profound joy, a mature feeling which contains elements of both gratitude and yearning. C.S. Lewis writes beautifully about joy.

Thank you both for being candid about your life experiences. It is (sadly) rare to meet honest people, even on the web.

In Christ
Byron

[Olympiada]

There is nothing at all joyful about a yearning feeling. It is quite a tiresome and boring feeling. How can you find joy in that?!

Olympiada

[Ken McRae]

There is nothing at all joyful about a yearning feeling. It is quite a tiresome and boring feeling. How can you find joy in that?!

By bringing it into the light. Dear Olympiada, the Apostle St. James says "count it all joy, when you shall fall into divers temptations. Knowing that the trying of your faith worketh patience, and patience hath a perfect work: that you may be perfect and entire, failing in nothing." (1:2-4) What a strange statement for him to make: "Count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations" or the trials and afflictions you're experiencing! Surely "feelings" of yearning and boredom are temptations and afflictions directly spoken to in the Apostle's words. If we are not willing to accept these afflictions for a season, then how will we ever attain to our ultimate goal, which is theosis?

Through all these trials, it is important for us to remember God's purpose is to develop our faith, "that you (we) may be perfect and entire, failing in nothing." Now, is that something to be sad and dejected about? I ask this in all humility, confessing that I too struggle with the flesh!! Now, in verse 5, St. James says: "But if any of you want wisdom, let him ask of God who giveth to all men abundantly and upbraideth not. And it shall be given him;" so, I pray now that He mercifully grant us both the Spirit of Wisdom and Discernment in "the heat" of all such battles! Let patience have its perfect work, and the fruit thereof will more than abundantly delight and satisfy the soul!

[Olympiada]

Through all these trials, it is important for us to remember God's purpose is to develop our faith, "that you (we) may be perfect and entire, failing in nothing." Now, is that something to be sad and dejected about?

Not sad or dejected, but angry and frustrated!

It is not the flesh we are writing about is it, unless the desire for financial security is a desire for the flesh. Seems to me to be a normal, healthy desire for a mother of a young child and not a passion at all.

No, this is something out of the ordinary. The monk has his monastery and the wife has her husband, but the woman widowed by divorce has nothing, only God.

Olympiada

[Matthew Panchisin]

This series may be of some interest to you found at the bottom of this link.

http://www.goarch.org/en/multimedia/video/


The Transfiguration Series


A four-part series, featuring renowned Orthodox theologian Bishop Kallistos Ware, videotaped at the Rose Hill College in Aiken, South Carolina.

Part 1: The Glory Suffered: The Transfiguration of the Cross
Real Media Format


Part 2: The Glory Revealed: Complete God and Complete Man
Real Media Format


Part 3: The Glory Shared: The Transfiguration of the Cosmos
Real Media Format


Part 4: The Glory Proclaimed: Liturgical Celebration of the Transfiguration
Real Media Format

[Irene]

Not sad or dejected, but angry and frustrated!

It is not the flesh we are writing about is it, unless the desire for financial security is a desire for the flesh. Seems to me to be a normal, healthy desire for a mother of a young child and not a passion at all.

No, this is something out of the ordinary. The monk has his monastery and the wife has her husband, but the woman widowed by divorce has nothing, only God.

Olympiada

Dear Olympiada,

I'm sorry I didn't get your message earlier.

I am an Orthodox Convert who was baptised and then married a Russian Orthodox man in 1986, by 1990 I was a single mother with 3 very young children. I have spent so much of my life as a parent yearning for a mythical person to be a good father for my beautiful children. It never happened, my desperate yearning for a "proper" family led me the wrong way for a while, and I nearly got married a couple of times, to men who ended up being the complete opposite of what you would want for a father for your children. (People who I discovered a little late had addiction problems).

Olympiada, I listened too much to the world and I took to heart what mean-spirited people said about women who bring up children on their own and my heart was breaking every day at my failure to give my children the "proper" home that they deserved.

However, things are not always perfect in those seemingly perfect families you see at Church or the park or the supermarket. Life is hard for a single parent but the love you have for your child is joy and a single parent is not a failure. A single parent learns great strength and can learn great faith. The blessing that you are gaining by bringing up your precious child in the true faith is huge.

If you feel you really need a husband all you can do is pray that if it is God's will that he send you a good man who will help you bring up your child as a good Orthodox Christian and if it is not for you to remarry then to strengthen you to endure. Don't go the way I did - putting on makeup etc to attract someone - absolutely disastrous. You aren't likely to get a good father for your child that way - you are more likely to find a worldy one.

My youngest child is 16 years old now and I have told people straight out that I am not interested in finding a husband anymore, just in case any well meaning people try to match make for me. However you as a younger mother can speak to your Priest about this and people in your Church - you could say that you would like to find a good Christian man to be a father for your child and a husband for you. There is nothing wrong with this.

Are you a member of the Orthodox Christian Women's group at yahoo http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OrthWomen/ (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OrthWomen/ )? It is only for women and you can get support for all your worries as a mother there. I spend as little time as possible on the Internet so I haven't looked in on that group for a long time.

My heart aches for you, I'll add you to my pray list that God strengthen's you and allows you great joy in your child. http://www.serfes.org/orthodox/NuturerofChildren.htm
By the way which Saint is yours?

[M.C. Steenberg]

Dear all,

The message of Christ to the question of suffering is that it, like all else confronted with the power and love of God, can be converted. The refrain of the Paschal troparion, 'By death Thou hast trampled down death', is a statement of just such conversion: the ultimate fruit of sin, death, is converted by Christ to something which overcomes its own curse. Death kills death, 'giving life even to those dead in the tombs'.

This doesn't mean that death is now a romantic, wonderful thing. Death is still death, it still has a power, it is still mysterious and terrible. But there is a deeper knowledge that this power has been defeated, even if it still rears its head. The scripture doesn't pretend death has been done away with, it doesn't ask 'Death, where have you gone?', but 'O death, where is your sting?'

Part of the reason that Christianity approaches suffering the way it does, is because it was approached that way by Christ. The joy of Pascha comes only after the long weeks of the fast, and the suffering of Holy Week. But during that suffering, we are already singing about the resurrection; just as on the evening of Pascha itself, we are already singing about the doubt and disbelief of Thomas. There is no pretending that suffering and joy are wholly separate entities. The suffering is part of the depth of the joy. To quote (as I often do) the hymn for the feasts of the cross, 'Through thy cross joy has come into all the world'.

In a sermon on the Transfiguration (http://www.newadvent.org/fathers/360351.htm), Leo of Rome writes:


Peter said, "Lord, it is good for us to be here: if thou wilt let us make three tabernacles, one for Thee, one for Moses, and one for Elias." But to this proposal the LORD made no answer, signifying that what he wanted was not indeed; wicked, but contrary to the Divine order: since the world could not be saved, except; by Christ's death, and by the LORD'S example the faithful were called upon to believe that, although there ought not to be any doubt about the promises of happiness, yet we should understand that amidst the trials of this life we must ask for the power of endurance rather than the glory, because the joyousness of reigning cannot precede the times of suffering. (Sermon 51.5)

Which sounds an awfully lot like St Paul: '...we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope and hope does not disappoint us' (Romans 5.1).

Re-reading this, I was reminded of a text recently sent to me. It's from a rather evangelical source (of the sort that feels 'church fathers' must be presented in inverted commas), but presents also an interesting picture. The text is from an article in the 'Christian Courier' on The Value of Human Suffering (http://www.christiancourier.com/archives/suffering.htm):


Suffering nurtures the noblest virtues of which mankind is capable. Reflect for a moment upon the quality of courage. Civilizations universally perceive “courage” to be one of the prime traits of humanity, and, by way of contrast, cowardice is considered to be utterly reprehensible. Courage may be defined as the ability to act rationally in the face of fear. If, however, the human family were immune to hardship, danger, suffering, etc., there could be no “facing” it, hence, no courage. When we sit down to a delicious dinner with friends and loved ones on a balmy autumn evening, no courage is needed. Courage arises in the presence of danger. There are certain qualities that we simply cannot possess in the absence of hardship.

Ralph Sockman wrote: “Without danger there would be no adventure. Without friction our cars would not start and our spirits would not soar. Without tears, eyes would not shine with the richest expressions” (1961, p. 66). And what of “patience”? John Chrysostom (347-407), one of the most influential figures among the “church fathers” of the post-apostolic period, described patience as “the mother of piety, fruit that never withers, a fortress that is never taken, a harbour that knows no storms” (as quoted in Barclay, 1974, p. 145). But could there ever be “patience” in the absence of difficulty?

One has to take some of this overly-romanticised sentiment with a grain of salt; but there is some value in what is said. Suffering is not a thing to be avoided, as if somehow intrinsically tainted with evil. To the Christian, within a certain context, suffering is a gift. So again St Paul: 'For he has graciously granted you the privilege not only of believing in Christ, but of suffering for him as well' (Phil 1:29). So the proper embrace of suffering, its transfiguring through Christ and power to transform the world that errantly gives rise to it, comes, in the mind of some, to be regarded as part of the priestly mission of all humanity. One begins with the embrace and transfiguring of suffering in one's own life, emulating Christ, and, grounded in that personal experience, extends it to others. So in the thought of elder Paisios of Mt Athos:


'Those who do not co-suffer with those in pain, suffer from a fatal spiritual illness: mercilessness. Those who are annoyed by the moaning of sick people and react angrily because they cannot concentrate, suffer from many spiritual illnesses.'

INXC, Matthew