Personal and (perhaps) universal podvig

[Fr Seraphim (Black)]

I was just released five days ago from hospital. For seven days whilst in hospital I was confined to a wheel chair.

At first it was a confusing and difficult situation.

There had been complications which arose after my surgery in January. I found that the major symptom which I have endured, more or less, for thirty-three years, that is, intense migraines had since January escalated into an inferno.

I was losing all motor control, and I could no longer walk. Thus, the wheel chair.

This brings me to what I would like to say.

I think we are all familiar with this particular passion. The passion being anger.

The Fathers and Mothers of our Holy Church wrote much of this multiform tragedy and I do not expect to offer any more than my own experience.

I have now been hospitalized on over twelve occasions. Diagnosed, misdiagnosed...it does not matter.

What concerns me deeply is the attitude in my heart towards other people.

Anger is a formidable opponent. Yet we are commanded to love our neigbour.

I hope I have time on this earth to repent.

My Spiritual Father was compassionate but relentless in rooting this passion out of me.

A glance, a simple word, a silence...any and more of these from other people, can ignite into a raging fire.

I saw patients in far worse condition then myself. Some, had a calm about them which was extraordinary. Others, were resentful, unco-operative with the nurses and doctors etc.

I found myself on a roller coaster of anger. At certain moments I seemed fine interiorly - the next second I would be assessing and passing out judgement on others, as if I were changing my socks.

It was diconcerting nonetheless. I find that with this passion if I do not move immediately into an inner mode of following Christ' s Word I risk deep trouble.

I ask your prayers. How can one by one's own effort turn this battle into the mystical podvig of turning what is a curse, into another way of being?

Alone, I fail. Only the synergy of the Holy Spirt and personal effort to keep redirecting the compass of the heart, can accomplish and bring into being the peace of which our Lord speaks of in the Gospel.

Ah, this Peace, like the song of the birds before dawn - may, I find this, may others if so afflicted, also by the prayers of the Mother of God, swim in its gentle waters.

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

I find that with this passion if I do not move immediately into an inner mode of following Christ' s Word I risk deep trouble.


This seems like a worthy motto for all of us.

You are in our prayers dear father.

In Christ- Fr Raphael

[Ksenia G.]

I have seen some anger that is biological in origin. There is the grumpiness that comes with a heart condition, high blood pressure, that is part of the sickness, the humiliation of sickness. It is an an infirmity. I knew a deaf person with a heart condition who often misunderstood, and was also sensitive. It was easy to be patient with the person because he loved me and was sick.

Elder Nektary wrote about a priest who had anger like a little child, that was not evil in origin at all. He would get upset and it would pass. I knew a woman whose anger was exactly like a flustered chicken, it would pass, and she would come to me crying even, asking forgiveness, when there wasn't anything at all to forgive. To me that was like a simple child. To have anger like that!

I read or heard recently in a father that anger can come from a love and zeal for justice. I am not talking here about the misguided zeal that hides ego, that has a bad demon behind it, but something else. This is what leads someone to risk incurring the wrath of a scary person to speak up in the defense for one who is mistreated.

My goat or dog will egregiously overturn the order of what should be by being very bad, or a child will behave in a way that would ruin its own soul as an adult, and anger in that time might be the correct response. But it is easy to get carried away. Imagine that a zeal for the church leads one to fire off at a young mother whose baby is a little out of control, or to give menacing looks to one who is not fitting in with the program in some way, perhaps intentionally. This is ugly and sad. I saw souls turned away from the Church in this way. Elder Porphyry said that anger kills and deadens a soul, especially in marriage. He got a lot better results in his life, by not being angry, with love and prayer, so there must be a better way.

Depression has an anger along with it, that is more sinister, as it is linked with despair in some way. The kind that is virulent that comes from thoughts and judgements from the evil one is no good, either. It is disturbing and abusive to others. It is disturbing to become posessed by it, especially being raised by people influenced by this and knowing its evil, coercive, and killing effects on other people.

Sometimes the Lord leaves anger as a cross for an otherwise spiritually healthy person. And the emotions are said to be one of the last things to come around and become healthy. I am saying this so one with this problem would not listen to the voices that say, "Whom do you serve? Despair, for your sins mark you as one of us, not of His!" Seeing Him makes a person preoccuppied with seeing Him, and then you can not allow the sun to set on your anger. You will give the anger up, ask forgiveness, do everything because the anger was in the way of seeing Him. My grandfather -in -law used to snarl, "Out of the way! I can't see through you!" when someone blocked the TV. It is like this --the anger blocks the way. Does being angry at the anger help?

[Anna K.]

Dear Father Seraphim, bless!

You are always in my poor prayers.

In Christ
Anna K.

[R. Greene]

How very familiar and moving Father, and Ksenia.
My prayers for you Father.

[Jonathan Hayward]

Fr. Seraphim, as I share this passion, please hold me in you prayers.

In Christ,
Christos Jonathan

[Amalia]

I will keep you in my humble prayers Father!

In Christ,
Amalia