Guidance

[Deborah Elder]

Hello--

I ask help to find truth concerning "mental illness" ending in suicide. (A family member died this way.) I have read many non-Orthodox opinions/theories on this. I recently searched this website for specifics; maybe I missed them?

A second request for help is guidance on how to pray for that family member.

Appreciatively,

Debbie

[Father David Moser]

As a general rule, when a person ends his life while not in his "right mind" whether that is due to mental illness, the influence of drugs or whatever, it is considered that this person can be given a funeral and can be prayed for as any other Orthodox Christian who has died. If, however, a person in their "right mind" ends his life, then he is not permitted to be buried "out of the Church" (that is no funeral) and he is not to be commemorated until at least after the 40th day.

I'm not sure if this is actually what you are asking, but at least its a beginning.

Fr David Moser

[Deborah Elder]

Along with that clear reply, I also hope to read about the following topic in depth: mental illness and the remaining volitional responsibility of the mentally ill person (from an Orthodox perspective.) I would like to find books, articles, or quotes concerning this very complex subject. Much of my spiritual reading leads me to think we have some responsibility in regard to our mental health. The modern conceptions of brain chemistry as being a cause do not fit together easily with older writings and even some phrases in prayers.

To complicate things, my family member, (my dear daughter,) was not Orthodox; she had been baptised as a Protestant at age six, died at age 21, (four years ago.) Obviously, I am new to Orthodoxy, but thankfully look to Christ our Healer and Judge to find answers more in line with reality than I have found anywhere else.

I have a great need to find information about praying for her.

Thank you for time and thought.--Debbie

[Trudy]

Dear Deborah,

Whether one is Orthodox or not as it relates to salvation is for our Lord Jesus Christ to judge. It is our part to pray and love. Thus I would say, pray for His mercy as we pray every day. "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner and have mercy on my daughter." We have assurance that God hears our prayers.

Seek the prayers and comfort of our Holy Theotokos and her Mother, St. Anna, Jesus' Grandmother. Both of them know what it is to watch their Son/GrandSon suffer and die. Both of them know the joy of the resurrection. Ask them for Their prayers to Jesus. He will hear them.

As one Mom to another, you have my prayers for yourself and your dear daughter. I cannot fathom the difficult road you have trod thus I hope my words are not offensive ones.

In all humility,
Athanasia

[Deborah Elder]

Thank you, Athanasia, for your kind message and advice. I can't put into words how helpful they are to me.

I had just been studying St. Anna, (to buy an icon, my middle name is Anne,) but I had not thought about her in the way you brought out. A (Grand)mother who had watched suffering and death. I have often turned to the Blessed Theotokos for help and sympathy, knowing she understands me as few can. In hope, I will also remember that they know the joy of the resurrection.

Thank you for your prayers, especially for Marie. I will pray for you and your loved ones.

Debbie

[Matthew Panchisin]

Dear Deborah,


God be with you!

The conclusion that I have heard from most Orthodox clergy is one has to be in an unbalanced mental state to even consider suicide and obviously even much more so to follow through.

"Forgive, O Lord, those who have
died without repentance. Save those who have committed suicide in the
darkness of their mind, that the flame of their sinfulness may be
extinguished in the ocean of Thy grace."



A K A T H I S T

for the R E P O S E

of Those Who have FALLEN ASLEEP



KONTAKION 1



O Thou Who by Thy inscrutable Providence didst prepare the world
for eternal beatitude and Who appointest times and seasons and the manner of our end: Forgive, O Lord, those who have died in past ages all their sins,
receive them into the realms of light and joy, hasten to open Thy Fatherly
arms to them, and hear us who celebrate their memory and sing:

O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have

fallen asleep.



IKOS 1



O Thou Who savest Adam and the whole human race from eternal
perdition, Thou didst send Thy Son into the world, O Good God, and by His
Cross and Resurrection Thou hast granted us also eternal life. Trusting to
Thy infinite mercy, we look for the deathless Kingdom of Thy Glory, we
implore Thee to grant it to those who have fallen asleep, and we pray:
Gladden, O Lord, souls wearied by the storms of life, that earth’s sorrows
and signings may not bury them in oblivion. Hear them, O Lord, in Thy
bosom, as a mother responds to her children, and say to them: Your sins are
forgiven you. Receive them, O Lord, into Thy calm and blessed haven that
they may rejoice in Thy divine glory.

O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have

fallen asleep.



KONTAKION 2



Enlightened by the illumination of the Most High, Saint Macarius
heard a voice from a pagan skull: “When you pray for those suffering in
Hell, there is relief for the heathen.” O wonderful power of Christian
prayer, by which even the infernal regions are illumined! Both believers
and unbelievers receive comfort when we cry for the whole world: ALLELUIA.


IKOS 2



Saint Isaac the Syrian once said: “A merciful heart is one that
burns with love for men and animals and for the whole of creation, and at
all times offers prayers with tears that they may be purified and kept.”
Likewise we all boldly ask the Lord for help for all the dead from the
beginning of time and cry: Send down to us, O Lord, the gift of fervent
prayer for the dead. Remember, O Lord, all who have charged us, unworthy as we are, to pray for them, and pardon the sins they have forgotten.
Remember, O Lord, all who have been buried without prayer. Receive, O Lord,
into Thy dwellings all who have died of sorrow or joy by a sudden or
untimely death.

O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have

fallen asleep.



KONTAKON 3



We are to blame for the calamities in the world, for the
sufferings of dumb creatures, and for the diseases and torments of innocent
children, for through the fall of man the beatitude and beauty of all
creation has been marred. O Christ our God, greatest of innocent Sufferers!
Thou alone canst forgive all. Forgive, then, all and everything, and grant
to the world its primordial prosperity, that the living and the dead may
rejoice and cry: ALLELUIA.



IKOS 3



O Glad Light, Redeemer of the world, embracing the whole
universe with Thy love: behold, Thy cry from the Cross for Thy enemies is
heard: “Father, forgive them.” In the name of Thy all-forgiving love we
make bold to pray to our Heavenly Father for the eternal repose of Thy
enemies and ours. Forgive, O Lord, those who have shed innocent blood,
those who have sown our path of life with sorrows, those who have waded to
prosperity through the tears of their neighbors. Condemn not, O Lord, those
who persecute us with slander and malice. Repay with mercy those whom we
have wronged or offended through ignorance, and grant that our prayer for
them may be holy through the sacrament of reconciliation.

O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have
fallen asleep.



KONTAKION 4


Save, O Lord, those who have died in grievous sufferings, those who were murdered, those buried alive, those who were drowned or burned,
those who were torn by wild beasts, those who died of hunger or cold, from
exposure in storms, or by falling from heights, and grant them all eternal
joy for the sorrow of their death.. May the time of their suffering be
blessed as a day of redemption, for which they sing: ALLELUIA.



IKOS 4


Recompense with the compassion of Thy infinite love, O Lord, all
who have died in the full flush of their youth, who received on earth the
thorny crown of suffering, who never experienced earthly joy. Grant
recompense to those who died from overwork, through exploitation or sweated labor. Receive, O Lord, into the bridal halls of Paradise boys and girls,and grant them joy at the marriage supper of Thy Son. Comfort and console the grief of parents over their dead children. Give rest, O Lord, to all
who have no one to offer prayer for them to Thee, their Creator, that their
sins may vanish in the dazzling light of Thy forgiveness.

O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have

> fallen asleep.
>
>KONTAKION 5
>
>
>
> Thou hast given us death as a last prodigy to bring us to our
>senses and to repentance, O Lord. In its threatening light, earthly vanity
>is exposed, carnal passions and sufferings become subdued, insubmissive
>reason is humbled. Eternal justice and righteousness opens to our gaze, and
>then the godless and those burdened with sins confess on their deathbed Thy
>real and eternal existence and cry to Thy mercy: ALLELUIA.
>
>
>
>IKOS 5
>
>
>
> O Father of all consolation and comfort, Thou brightenest with
>the sun, delightest with fruits, and galddenest with the beauty of the world
>both Thy friends and enemies. And we believe that even beyond the grave Thy
>loving kindness, which is merciful even to all rejected sinners, does not
>fail. We grieve for hardened and wicked blasphemers of Thy Holiness. May
>Thy saving and gracious will be over them. Forgive, O Lord, those who have
>died without repentance. Save those who have committed suicide in the
>darkness of their mind, that the flame of their sinfulness may be
>extinguished in the ocean of Thy grace.
>
> O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have
>
> fallen asleep.
>
>
>
>KONTAKION 6
>
>
>
> Terrible is the darkness of a soul separated from God, the
>torments of conscience, the gnashing of teeth, the unquenchable fire and the
>undying worm. I tremble at the thought of such a fate, and I pray for those
>suffering in Hell as for myself. May our song descend upon them as
>refreshing dew as we sing: ALLELUIA.
>
>
>
>IKOS 6
>
>
>
> Thy light, O Christ our God, has shone upon those sitting in the
>darkness and shadow of death and those in Hell who cannot cry to Thee.
>Descend into the infernal regions of the earth, O Lord, and bring out into
>the joy of grace Thy children who have been separated from Thee by sin but
>who have not rejected Thee. For they suffer cruelly. Have mercy on them.
>For they sinned against Heaven and before Thee, and their sins are
>infinitely grievous, and Thy mercy is infinite. Visit the bitter misery of
>souls separated from Thee. Have mercy, O Lord, on those who hated the truth
>out of ignorance. May Thy love be to them not a consuming fire but the
>coolness of Paradise:
>
> O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have
>
> fallen asleep.
>
>
>
>KONTAKION 7
>
>
>
> Endeavoring to give help by Thy might power to Thy servants who
>have fallen asleep, Thou hast appeared to their loved ones, O Lord, in
>mysterious visions clearly inspiring them to pray, that they may remember
>the departed, and do good works and labors of faith and love for them,
>crying: ALLELUIA.
>
>
>
>IKOS 7
>
>
>
> The universal Church of Christ unceasingly offers prayers every
>hour for the departed throughout the world, for the sins of the world are
>washed away by the most pure Blood of Thy divine crown, and the souls of
>those who have fallen asleep are translated from death to life and from
>earth to Heaven by the power of the prayers offered for them at God’s
>altars. May the intercession of the Church for the dead, O Lord, be a
>ladder to Heaven. Have mercy on them, O Lord, through the intercession of
>the most holy Mother of God and all the Saints. Forgive them their sins for
>the sake of Thy faithful who cry day and night to Thee. For the sake of
>innocent children, O Lord, have mercy on their parents, and by the tears of
>their mothers, forgive the sins of their children. For the sake of the
>prayers of innocent sufferers and the blood of martyrs, spare and have mercy
>on sinners. Receive, O Lord, our prayers and alms as a memorial of their
>virtues.
>
> O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have
>
> fallen asleep.
>
>
>
>KONTAKION 8
>
>
>
> The whole world is a sacred and common graveyard, for in every
>place is the dust of our fathers and brothers. O Christ our God, Who alone
>unchangeably lovest us, forgive all who have died from the beginning till
>now, that they may sing with infinite love: ALLELUIA.
>
>
>
>IKOS 8
>
>
>
> The day is coming, as a burning furnace, the great and terrible
>day of the Last Judgment, when the secrets of men will be revealed and the
>books of conscience will be torn apart. “Be reconciled with God!” cries
>the Apostle Paul. “Be reconciled before that terrible day.” Help us, O
>Lord, to fill up with the tears of the living what was lacking in the dead.
>May the sound of the Angel’s trumpet, O Lord, be to them the glad
>announcement of their salvation and the joyful manumission of their freedom
>at the hour of Thy judgment. Crown with glory those who have suffered for
>Thee, O Lord, and cover the sins of the weak with Thy goodness. O Lord, Who
>knowest all by name, remember those who have sought salvation in the
>monastic life. Remember the blessed pastors with their spiritual children.
>
> O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have
>
> fallen asleep.
>
>
>
>KONTAKION 9
>
>
>
> Bless swiftly passing time. For every hour, every moment brings
>eternity nearer. A new sorrow, a new gray hair are heralds of the coming
>world, witnesses of earthly corruption, for all is passing (they tell us)
>and the Eternal kingdom draws near, where there is no sorrow, no sighing, no
>tears, but joyful singing: ALLELUIA.
>
>
>
>IKOS 9
>
>
>
> Just as a tree loses its leaves after a time, so our days after
>a certain number of years come to an end. The festival of youth fades, the
>lamp of joy goes out, the alienation and dispossession of old age
>approaches. Friends and relations die. Where are you, young merrymakers?
>Their tombs are silent, but their souls are in Thy hand. Let us think how
>they watch us from the spiritual world. O Lord, Who art the brightest Sun,
>illumine and warm the abodes of those who have fallen asleep. May the time
>of our bitter separation pass for ever. Grant us a joyful meeting in
>Heaven. Grant that all may be one with Thee, O Lord. Restore to the
>departed, O Lord, the purity of childhood and the genial spirit of youth,
>and may eternal life be to them a Paschal Festival.
>
> O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have
>
> fallen asleep.
>
>
>
>KONTAKION 10
>
>
>
> Shedding silent tears at the graves of our relatives, we pray
>with hope, and cry expectantly: Tell us, O Lord, that their sins are
>forgiven. Give our spirit a secret assurance of it, that we may sing:
>ALLELUIA.
>
>
>
>IKOS 10
>
>
>
> Looking back, I see the whole of our past life. What a vast
>multitude of people have departed from the first day until now! And many of
>them have done me good. In gratitude for what I owe them, with love I cry
>to Thee: Grant heavenly glory, O Lord, to my parents and those near and
>dear to me who watched over my cradle in childhood, and reared and educated
>me. Glorify, O Lord, in the presence of the Holy Angels all who have told
>me the glad tidings of salvation and have taught me what is right and good,
>just and true by the holy example of their lives. Fill with delight, O
>Lord, those who fed me on hidden manna in the days of my sorrow and
>affliction. Recompense and save all benefactors and all who have helped
>others personally and by prayer.
>
> O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have
>
> fallen asleep.
>
>
>
>KONTAKON 11
>
>
>
> O death, where is thy sting? Where is the gloom and terror that
>held sway in the past? From now on thou art the longed for means of
>inseparable union with God. Oh, the great peace of the mystical Sabbath!
>We long to die and to be with Christ, cries the Apostle. Therefore, we too
>look upon death as the gateway to eternal life, and cry: ALLELUIA.
>
>
>
>
>
>IKOS 11
>
>
>
> The dead will rise and those who are in the graves will stand
>up, and those who are alive on earth will exult when they stand with their
>spiritual bodies, radiantly glorious and incorrupt. Dry bones, hear the
>word of the Lord: “I will bring upon you a spirit of life, and will lay
>sinews upon you; and I will bring flesh upon you, and cover you with skin.”
>Rise out of the ancient past, you who are redeemed by the Blood of the Son
>of God, restored to life by His death, for the light of the Resurrection has
>dawned upon you. Open to them now, O Lord, the whole abyss of Thy
>perfections. Thou hast shone upon them with the light of the sun and moon,
>that they may see the glory of the radiant choirs of Angels, Thou hast
>delighted them with the magnificence of the heavenly lights of East and
>West, that they may also see the never-setting light of Thy Divinity.
>
> O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have
>
> fallen asleep.
>
>
>
>KONTAKON 12
>
>
>
> Flesh and blood will not inherit the Kingdom of God. While we
>live in the flesh, we are separated from Christ. And if we die, we live for
>eternity. For our corruptible body must put on incorruption, and this
>mortal nature must shine with immortality, that in the light of the eternal
>day we may sing: ALLELUIA.
>
>
>
>IKOS 12
>
>
>
> We expect to meet the Lord, we expect the clear dawn of the
>Resurrection, we expect the rousing from their tombs of our dead relatives
>and acquaintances and their restoration to the most holy beauty of life.
>And we rejoice in the coming transfiguration of all creation, and cry to our
>Creator: O Lord, Who didst create the world for the triumph of joy and
>goodness, Who hast restored us to holiness from the depths of sin, grant
>that the dead may reign in the new creation, and may shine as heavenly
>lights in the day of their glory. May the Divine Lamb be their perpetual
>light. Grant, O Lord, that we too may celebrate with them a deathless
>Passover. Unite the dead and the living in unending joy.
>
> O Lord of unutterable Love, remember Thy servants who have
>
> fallen asleep.
>
>
>
>KONTAKON 13
>
>
>
> O most merciful and eternal Father, Whose will it is that all
>should be saved, Who didst send Thy Son to the lost and didst pour out Thy
>Life-giving Spirit: Have mercy on our relatives and those who are near and
>dear to us who have fallen asleep, and on all who have died throughout the
>ages; forgive and save them, and by their intercession visit us, that with
>them we may shout to Thee, our God and Saviour, the song of victory:
>ALLELUIA. (3 times)
>
>
>
> Then the First Ikos and Kontakion.
>
>
>
>PRAYER FOR THOSE WHO HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP
>
>
>
> O God of spirits and all flesh, Who hast trampled down death,
>overthrown the devil, and given life to Thy world: Give rest, O Lord, to the
>souls of Thy servants who have fallen asleep, Patriarchs, Metropolitans,
>Archbishops, Bishops, Priests and Deacons, Monks and Nuns, and all who have
>served Thee in Thy Church; the founders of all Churches and Monasteries, and
>all Orthodox forefathers, fathers, brothers and sisters who lie here and
>everywhere; officers and men of the armies and navies who have laid down
>their lives for their Faith and country, all the faithful killed in civil
>wars, all who were drowned, burned, frozen to death, torn by wild beasts,
>all who died suddenly without repentance and had no time to be reconciled
>with the Church and with their enemies; all who took their own lives in a
>moment of mental unbalance; all who have asked us to pray for them, and
>those who have no one to pray for them, and all who died without a Christian
>burial, (NAMES), in a place of light, in a place of refreshment, in a place
>of repose, whence all suffering, sorrow, and sighing have fled away.
>Forgive every sin committed by them in thought, word and deed, for Thou art
>the good God and Lover of men. For there is no one who lives without
>sinning. Thou alone art without sin, and Thy righteousness in eternal
>righteousness, and Thy Word is Truth.
>
> For Thou art the Resurrection, the Life, and the Repose of Thy
>servants who have fallen asleep (NAMES), O Christ our God, and to Thee we
>send up glory, with Thy Eternal Father, and Thy Holy and Good and Lifegiving
>Spirit, both now and ever and to the ages of ages. Amen.

[Deborah Elder]

Thank you, Matthew. I printed the akathist and can only praise God for his work in his Body, his Church. I am much helped by praying it. It is a great aid in remembering the mercies of our All-Holy Savior, as well as the universal facets of death, the Resurrection, the Judgement...

Because of the advice I have recieved in this discussion, I feel hopeful.

Debbie