Dissolution and remarriage

[Christopher S.]

I have two questions on divorce:
1. When Jesus discusses divorce and remarriage in the Gospels, He says it isn't allowed "except on the grounds of sexual immorality" and "except for sexual immorality" (Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:9.) In English, "except" wouldn't allow any other reasons. The Orthodox allow for other reasons for dissolution and remarriage. Are there examples in the New Testament or the Septuagint where except is used and we know of other exceptions? (Please don't point to I Corinthians 7:15 because that can be interpreted to mean something other than remarriage.)
If someone can come up with an example it would remove my last doctrinal stumbling block to conversion.
2. Are both spouses allowed to remarry in the case of adultery? What about the other cases?

[Father David Moser]

The Orthodox allow for other reasons for dissolution and remarriage. ...
2. Are both spouses allowed to remarry in the case of adultery? What about the other cases?

Disclaimer: I am nowhere near an expert or even reasonably knowledgeable on this topic - so I could be either way off base or present an insufficient picture of the reality of this question.

1. Actually all the reasons allowed for divorce go back to an assumption of adultery. Part of the assumptions of adultery apply to when one spouse leaves his/her spouse for someone or *something* else. Thus abandonment becomes a form of adultery, abuse becomes a form of abandonment and therefore adultery; neglect where one spouse emotionally "leaves" his/her mate and transferrs his/her affections to some other pursuit can be construed as adultery. In any case there has to be some kind of movement whereby the affections and love reserved for a spouse has been transferred to someone or something else.

2. When a marriage is dissoved, both persons are considered to be no longer married and therefore could remarry. But - it is within the competence of the diocesan spiritual court and/or the ruling bishop to withhold from a person the right to be married in the Church for a period of time as determined by the court or bishop. If a person thus deprived of the right to marry were to approach again requesting a blessing for a Church marriage, one of the questions would have to be whether or not there was true repentance in evidence for past sins.

Fr David Moser

[Fr Aaron Warwick]

Dear Christopher,

Father David's answer was excellent and provides a new insight for me. Having experienced divorce in my family and having seen others around me experience divorce, I can attest to the fact that one could commit 'adultery' without having had an extra-marital sexual affair. It is similar to 'idolatry.' The Christian understanding of idolatry is not limited to worshipping idols, but is viewed much broader to mean putting anything or anyone above, before, or equal to God.

I would also like to point out that you used the word, "allow," which I think is a very good and Orthodox term to use when discussing divorce. We do "allow" it, but we certainly do not encourage it or consider it to be a good option. Generally, a person who divorces is ex-communicated for a certain time of penance and, if they do remarry in the Church, are required (generally) to publicly repent of their former sins related to the divorce.

I think that the reality of the human experience shows that marriages can and do break down for reasons besides extra-marital sexual affairs. Unfortunately, sometimes it is best for two people to recognize that they cannot or are not willing to correct the wrongs and to "start over." The Orthodox seem to understand this best to me. I have heard it explained that there is grace for the married couple. When the couple or one of the couple fails to embrace that grace, there is a failure--perhaps irreparable--in the marriage.

The only alternatives that you have to the Orthodox "allowance" for divorce are the following three: (1) do not allow divorce, but do allow 'annulments' that essentially act as a divorce, such as the Roman Catholic Church allows; (2) do not allow divorce, and when someone does divorce, cut them off from your life, even if it is a family member, and be judgmental of them, such as I have seen many Christians from various denominations or churches do; or (3) deny reality and do not recognize that people sometimes fail to live up to the calling of Christ.

The dangers with these three options are very grave. I know a person who left the Roman Catholic Church because after approximately 20 years of marriage and several children, the marriage was 'annulled.' The person was so upset because, effectively, the Roman Catholic Church was saying that her children were illegitimate and she was having sexual relations with her 'husband' outside of marriage!!! The second is obviously a terrible option, as is the third.

In sum, the Orthodox view seems to me to be the most reasonable and Christian view. While recognizing that divorce is inherently wrong and always manages to 'miss the mark,' it is moderated by a view of compassion. One that gives people a second chance to respond to God's grace and offers them (and their families) forgiveness and healing.

Aaron