Loved one who is a Theist

[Elena]

My partner whilst accepts God he is not a Christian. When I found my way back to the church after years in the wilderness he was with me. I decided to wait and see if he would follow the same path. We have a very loving relationship and he loves me prehaps more than he should. He plans for our future and the church is in it, but I don't think he sees himself as being a member.

I have given it much thought but do not feel I can leave him, after all I do not know if he will become a Christian in the future, to leave would be presumptious of me. Furthermore I do not feel it would be right to place any pressure on him, it must after all be a whole hearted choice, but our future is a bleak one without this choice.

Does anyone have any insight, what can I do, I feel almost trapped.

[Antonios]

When reading your post, I remembered what St. Paul taught:

"And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him." (1 Corinthians 7:13-17)

Now, this teaching has to do with people who are already married. For those who are not married ("made unto one flesh"), it becomes more complicated. The question then is, do you marry that person who has not accepted Christ and hope that they eventually come to the Truth? Do you become their personal guide to lead them into Christainity? You may never be able to, and may only find strain and resentment build up within the relationship over time.

This is something that you should discuss with your priest. Such personal and difficult situations are best addressed by a member of the clergy who can delve deep into your situation and communicate with you in a personal, face-to-face way.

In the meantime, pray for him to come to the Truth, and live a Christian life. Your prayers and your example are more powerful than any amount of explanation or attempts to rationalize your beliefs.

[Elena]

Thank you for you post. You are right of course I should talk to my priest about this, I am just scared to do so.

[Irene]

My partner whilst accepts God he is not a Christian. When I found my way back to the church after years in the wilderness he was with me. ......

I have given it much thought but do not feel I can leave him

Does anyone have any insight, what can I do, I feel almost trapped.

Dear Elena,

Thinking about your post today, I remembered there is at least one other young lady in your position on this list and a few men over the years have posted about their wives not being believers. Further than that, parents whose children are not interested in the Church, children whose friends don't listen. Priests who have parishioners who rarely turn up to Church and then spend most of the service outside talking. All share your sorrow. For these people we love and care about all we can do is pray and ask God to warm their hearts - because he sorrows for them and us much more than we can.

Please don't think about leaving him, it seems to me that he is a good man, he loves you, he is ok with the Church, you have a start there. If you left him he is more likely to loose any interest that he may secretly have in his heart, he may even develop a bitterness towards the Church. Staying with him and developing and strengthening your own faith and the joy and comfort that you earn will spill over onto him.

At times you may notice him become uncomfortable about your faith your zealousness, in which case you may have to keep some of it to yourself. This is difficult knowing how to balance your faith and your relationship with your husband and this is where you really do need your Priest, talk to him often so that he truly knows you, your heart and your relationship, because sometimes it is hard for us as individuals to see the whole picture.

Also, sometimes a loved one will repent after a few years, sometimes at their last breath and even if they don't we can not say who will be saved because our Father decides that but your prayers certainly help there too.

If Saints such as the former sorcerer Saint Cyprian (of Sts Cyprian and Justina) (http://www.orthodoxinfo.com/death/cyprian_justina.aspx) and the former thief and robber Saint Moses the Black (http://home.iprimus.com.au/xenos/mosesblack.html) can convert and become Saints there is always hope.

If you are the only Orthodox Christian in your family enlist others to pray for your husband. Beseech the Mother of God and the Saints to pray for him.


I should talk to my priest about this, I am just scared to do so.

Why are you afraid to talk to your Priest? There is nothing to be afraid of, our Priests want our salvation and are happy to help us.

Please forgive me and my presumptuousness, I don't know your situation, I just want to encourage you to hope.

In Christ
irene

[Irene]

I have come across an article, "Let Your Light So Shine: Advice for those married to non-Orthodox husbands (http://www.conciliarpress.com/handmaiden/content/view/69/9/9/)", that may be of interest to someone either now or in the future. ...Irene

[John Charmley]

Dear Irene,

Thank you for this reference; although aimed at women, it is equally applicable to men, and offers some really good advice.

Very many thanks for it.

In Christ


John