Pray for me please

[David]

Dear all, I ask for any prayers from any or all Eastern Orthodox Priest, or Christians....I am a grave sinner and have fallen away from the Church, and God... The vices that keep me in their power are slowly killing me...Have been baptized Orthodox since a child, and have been very active in the Church, and Monastery...My confessing father has been ordained a Bishop, and is now in another city far away... i write him, but he must be very busy to reply...I know i have a good heart, and my Lord Jesus Christ knows i pray...i am weak in my resistants, and seem to fall everytime...Thought to give all my belongings away, and join a Monastery...I'm not married, and have no children...Is this a good idea?? i know if i leave these surrounding inwhich i live, the temptation would have power over me.. allowing me take confession, and communion hoping to regain the Grace of God again...Can someone tell me if this is a good idea....Thank you all for any help of your Holy Prayers..

David

[Kris]

Dear all, I ask for any prayers from any or all Eastern Orthodox Priest, or Christians....I am a grave sinner and have fallen away from the Church, and God... The vices that keep me in their power are slowly killing me...Have been baptized Orthodox since a child, and have been very active in the Church, and Monastery...My confessing father has been ordained a Bishop, and is now in another city far away... i write him, but he must be very busy to reply...I know i have a good heart, and my Lord Jesus Christ knows i pray...i am weak in my resistants, and seem to fall everytime...Thought to give all my belongings away, and join a Monastery...I'm not married, and have no children...Is this a good idea?? i know if i leave these surrounding inwhich i live, the temptation would have power over me.. allowing me take confession, and communion hoping to regain the Grace of God again...Can someone tell me if this is a good idea....Thank you all for any help of your Holy Prayers..

David

Dear David,

Although I would never discourage people from entering into the monastic life, I think it is something you must discuss thoroughly with your Spiritual Father, or atleast a priest who knows the details of your position.

Monasticism allows for a much greater focus on prayer, but brings with it a very different set of temptations and pressures, which might be just as bad as the ones you are fleeing.

Whether or not it is the right thing for you is something that is impossible for me (or anyone else here, since we don't know you or your situation) to tell.

I will pray for you, please do the same for me

In XC,
Kris

[Irene]

Oh Dear David, No no no, you can't run away to a monastery - at least not yet. I totally agree with Kris. I'm sorry but your temptations will only get much much worse there, you must fight now. It is good that you are asking for prayers. Good for you and good for us to pray for you.

You may think that your trials are unbearable but many of us here have thought the same, sometimes even that we could never get through another day, but you can with God's help, and he will help ... you must pray, you must confess to a new Priest, even if the Priest that has replaced your Spiritual Father doesn't seem quite right for you, confess to him anyway, for now, because you may be surprised. If you have confessed to him and you feel you need someone else tell him, tell him what is in your heart. If in the meantime you find a Priest you think will be a suitable Spiritual Father for you then get a blessing from the first Priest or your old Priest to go to the new one. Try to do everything "by the book" or "by the rules of the Church" so there is less room for you to slip up and fall into temptation again.

Don't think that because a person might sound pious that they haven't had major temptations and major falls. Look for example to two of my favourite Saints ...... Saint Cyprian (http://www.orthodoxinfo.com/death/cyprian_justina.aspx)(formerly a sorcerer) and Saint Moses (http://home.iprimus.com.au/xenos/mosesblack.html) (formerly robber and murderer) and of course there are so many others who through the prayers of pious and Saintly people turned their lives around totally. How wonderful that we have such Saints also as examples to those of us who are weak and fall down.

Take heart and pray. When I fell into a terrible depression that lasted weeks and months, the prayers of others must have opened my heart because suddenly I had the thought to pray a molieben, and the first Saint I opened the book to and I prayed the molieben to was Saint Moses even though I knew nothing about who he was or what his life was like, and I prayed that molieben every day, crying and asking for help from this pain. It does work I promise you, perhaps immediately you will feel a little relief or perhaps it will take a little longer but it will work, but because you have it so badly you must not stop because you will slide backwards if you do.

There is also the Akathist to the Mother of God "Joy of All Who Sorrow" (http://www.joyinsorrow.com/viewPrayer.asp?id=10) an excellent way to pray for one who is in pain and sorrows because of any reason, even our own failings. I don't know why it works, one of the many mysteries of our faith, but doing this Akathist draws out all the pain from your soul until there is nothing else left but love for Mother of God who cries for and prays for us all.

The Prayer of Contrite Repentance (http://www.joyinsorrow.com/viewPrayer.asp?id=14) is a good one for you to start with right now. I have given you the link but also posted the prayer from the website below so you can read it....

(St. Seraphim of Sarov advised people to say this in moments of despondency and as an antidote to despair.)

Master and Lord of Heaven and Earth and King of the ages. Deign to open the door of repentance to me, for in anguish of my heart I pray to Thee, our true God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Light of the world. Look upon me in Thy great loving-kindness and accept my prayer. Incline Thine ear to my prayer and forgive me all the evil that I have done by the abuse of my free will.

Behold, I seek rest, yet I do not find it, for I have not received forgiveness from my conscience. I thirst for peace, but there is no peace in me from the dark abyss of my transgressions. Hear, O Lord, a heart which cries to Thee. Regard not my evil deeds, but consider the agony of my soul and make haste to heal me who am badly wounded.

By the grace of Thy love for men, give me time for repentance and deliver me from my shameful deeds, lest I finally perish. Hear me, O Lord, in my despair. Behold, I am bereft of my will and of every thought of amendment. Therefore, I have recourse to Thy compassion. Have mercy on me, cast down and condemned on account of my sins.

O Lord, rescue me who am enslaved and held by my evil deeds, as if I were shackled with chains. Thou Alone knowest how to set prisoners free; and as Thou Alone knowest secret things, Thou healest wounds that are known by no one but seen by Thee. Therefore, being tortured in every way by cruel pains, I cry only to Thee, the Physician of all who are afflicted, the Door of those who knock without, the Way of the lost, the Light of those in darkness, the Redeemer of those in bonds, Who ever restrainest Thy right hand and withholdest Thy anger prepared for sinners, but Who givest time for repentance through Thy great love for men.

O Thou Who art quick to show mercy and slow to punish, shine upon me, who have fallen badly, the light of Thy countenance, O Lord. In Thy loving-kindness stretch Thy hand to me and raise me from the depth of my transgressions. For Thou Alone art our God, Who dost not rejoice at the destruction of sinners, and Who dost not turn away Thy face from those who cry to Thee with tears.

Hear, O Lord, the voice of Thy servant who cries to Thee, and manifest Thy light to me who am deprived of light, and give me Thy grace, for I have no hope whatever, that I may always trust in Thy help and power. Turn my weeping into joy, rend my rags and gird me with gladness. Grant that I may rest from my dark deeds and enjoy the morning calm with Thy chosen, O Lord, whence all pain, sorrow and sighing have fled away. May the door of Thy Kingdom be opened to me, that I may enter with those who rejoice in the light of Thy countenance, O Lord, and that even I may receive eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Amen


In Christ
irene

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

Dear David,

What Kris & Irene have written is very good advice. Be assured you are in our prayers.

In Christ- Fr Raphael

[Irene]

This is also very good (http://www.monachos.net/patristics/ephraim/ephraim_how_many_times.shtml) from a Spiritual Psalter by St Ephraim on Monachos.