Repentance

[Anthony Peggs]

Hi, i haven't posted in a while, my name is anthony and i am a Catechumen in anaheim ca at St. John The Baptist Greek Orthodox Church, and m question is: How do Catechumens repent?

i'm really scared right now because i am such a wretched sinner, but how do i repent when i cannot go to confession yet? i am also sooo afraid of death knowing my sinfulness......i seriously have a problem with despair. i can't even remember all the sins i commit, so i fear they will go unforgiven..... i really need some advice here. please pray for me a sinner.


Anthony

[Anthony Peggs]

i have to admit i am terrified of the Toll Houses...........i am soooooo scared and sooo close to tears, i am just terrified.......

[Trudy]

How do Catechumens repent?.... but how do i repent when i cannot go to confession yet?

Dear Brother in Christ Anthony,

How well I remember this same exact fear you've given voice to when I was inquiring into the Faith. It can be paralyzing. Let me assure you Anthony, as a catechumen you are under the protection of the One True Church (at least that is what I learned). Thus, be at peace.

The overwhelming and paralyzing fear you are experiencing is coming from the evil one. (That's what my priest told me at the time.) Fight the fear filled thoughts by praying "Lord have mercy" over and over.

Lastly, take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Take another and let it out slowly.

You have asked a wonderful question, and one that we all must spend time contemplating: "How do I repent?" You have already taken the biggest step; you say you are a wretched sinner. You are in good company. So am I. :)

Repentance means "to turn away." Thus, since you know your sins, tell God you are turning away from them. Then do so.

Now that sounds really easy. Ha! It's not. I constantly tell God I'm turning away and I do...for about 1 mili-second! Then the next thing I know, I'm glancing back over my shoulder to watch the dirty sneaker of sin float down the river. It captures my attention and before I realize it, I'm watching and following that dumb sneaker down the river! Gaahhh!

Repentance is a constant turning away. Over and over and over again. It doesn't happen just once. It is the effort, the asceticsim, that counts. Ask God to help you. He will. Ask St. Anthony, whose name you bear, to help you. He will. Ask the Holy Theotokos to pray for you. Trust me, she will!

Hang in there! Keep praying! And talk to your priest about the fear you have. He will have much better suggestions than lil 'ol me. :p

~Athanasia~

[John Charmley]

i have to admit i am terrified of the Toll Houses...........i am soooooo scared and sooo close to tears, i am just terrified.......

Dear Anthony,

It is imperative that you talk to your priest as soon as possible; such terror can paralyse one's defences against sin. The toll-house is an image used from patristic times, it is, I believe, in the realm of theologoumena, rather than dogma, and laymen should beware of thinking they can understand the teaching behind it unaided; indeed, in making the distinction I just made, I may have provided proof of my point!

Talk to your priest. Remember what is written in 1 John 4:16-19:

16. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. 18 He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

But if you are still feeling as you were when you posted, a talk to your priest is imperative.

In Christ,

John

[Andreas Moran]

Dear Anthony,

John is right. This terror seems to be distorting your outlook on the faith. I remember as a catechumen being very afraid that I'd blasphemed against the Holy Spirit until I spoke with my spiritual guide and re-assured me. This terror is a temptation. As you are approaching the Church, the evil one is not happy and will try to obstruct you. Focus on what you have to learn and push this away from your mind. But do talk to your priest.

In Christ,

Andreas.