Infant wearing a cross

[Maria Murray]

Forgive me if this is a rediculous question, but it's been bothering me and I'd like to ask it anyway. Did you let your babies wear a cross all the time? My 6-month old always has it on, in fact, her head has grown so much I don't think I can take it off without cutting the string! ;) Because it was making her neck a little red, I let her wear it on top on her clothing. One day I was at the mall and a lady stopped me to sternly warn me not to let her wear it because she could choke herself with it. She was very concerned for me and my baby. Afterwards I couldn't help but worry about it, especially at night. Am I wrong to let myself worry about this? Am I wrong to let her wear it at night? Thank you so much.

[Antonios]

Dear Maria,


This is not a ridiculous question at all. In fact, it is a very important one. I am an emergency room physician, and though I have never seen a case, I have colleagues who have seen infants come in dead presumably because of choking from wearing a necklace. I would strongly discourage allowing your child to wear it when not supervised, such as when sleeping. My child as an infant only wore her cross when we where at church. I hope this helps.

[Irene]

Dear Maria,

I understand your concern. I am a mother and a convert to Orthodoxy. My children have worn their crosses from the day of their baptism to this day. My twin daughters will be turning 19 next week and my son will be 17 in one months time. To me it is a matter of faith, faith that their Guardian Angel is always looking after them. I can almost hear people's thoughts on this some might say "if they have their Guardian Angel why do they need their Cross at such a young age?" It is something that parents must pray about, consult their Priest about and decide on and it is for no one else to judge another for what they decide to do..

To this day I worry about my children, they go out in a car, and I, knowing that their Guardian Angel cares for them at all times, I still fear because I am human and full of faults, I Cross them as they leave and I pray "Please Lord keep them safe", I feel the fear, then I remember the lives of the Saints and I remember the stories of mothers who weep over the loss of their children and are visited by Saints to say "Don't weep your child is with the Saints in Heaven". I remember that I have prayed "Lord, don't let anything happen to my children unless they have pleased you and earned a place in Heaven."

So many generations of my children's father's family have worn their Crosses at all times, he comes from a line of Priests. I don't know whether other parents at Church take the Cross from their children at night, I have never thought about it, perhaps to hang it above their head out of reach at night to would be something that could be done by a parent who is fearful.

I don't think your baby should be getting redness from the Cross though, perhaps you should change the string, I used a soft ribbon when my children were small. Perhaps also, for now you could try a different Cross, one made out of a different material, have it blessed and see if that makes a difference. My children wore different Crosses throughout the years. Their christening Crosses I kept for Church etc and for school they wore blessed plastic Crosses.

As for people telling you not to do something, I can't tell you the number of times I have been criticised in my life for doing something only to be criticised when I react and stop. Don't worry about what other people think, you know that you always put your child's welfare first.

In Christ
irene

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

As for people telling you not to do something, I can't tell you the number of times I have been criticised in my life for doing something only to be criticised when I react and stop. Don't worry about what other people think, you know that you always put your child's welfare first.

Something very interesting to think about here.

In fact if it wasn't for the fact that we are finite creatures we'd basically have an infinite number of things to be concerned about when it comes to the welfare of others.

So then it's really a matter of our priorities. What do we most fear or are most concerned about? In fact it is this inner sense which will govern how we nurture or show responsibility towards others. "Where your treasure is there will your heart be also."

In Christ- Fr Raphael

[Antonios]

Don't worry about what other people think, you know that you always put your child's welfare first.

Dear Irene,

While I agree with the spirit of your post and the above statement at the surface, the truth is that many people need to be informed about certain potential risks so that they can make the correct decisions in whats best for the child's welfare. It is our responsibility as parents, given to us by God, to know what dangers our children and to keep our children away from avoidable harm. Just the fact that Maria's conscience was making her worry about a potential harm that could happen should tell us something. Infants sometimes die from wearing necklaces. Often times, these are religous necklaces in nature. This is a truth. This is also something very easily avoidable. Knowing this, it would be putting God to the test to continue to do so.

While I totally agree with you that our Guardian Angel looks over us and that faith will protect us, this doesn't give us a free pass to take undue chances, for example, driving at excessive speeds or driving without a seatbelt. Why do we put our infants in special car seats if we have faith that God will protect them in case of an accident? The Lord has provided us with an intellect to see the dangers in this world and how to avoid them.

An infant doesn't need to wear a cross to be blessed and loved by God. There is nothing we could hang around their neck that could give them more grace than God has already bestowed upon them by Baptism and Chrismation. Our greatest charge as parents of a newborn is to keep them safe so that we may have the great honor in raising them to grow into a life in Christ. Putting them in unneccesary risky circumstances is not part of this plan.

[Maria Murray]

I appreciate your thoughtful comments. It's wonderful to hear the two sides of the issue in the open. This situation makes me uncomfortable because when my 2 boys were babies and I didn't let them wear their crosses, I was shamed for my lack of faith. Since then I worry that my worry is a lack of faith and I also worry that exhibiting this faith would be dangerous to my child.

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

While I agree with the spirit of your post and the above statement at the surface, the truth is that many people need to be informed about certain potential risks so that they can make the correct decisions in whats best for the child's welfare. It is our responsibility as parents, given to us by God, to know what dangers our children and to keep our children away from avoidable harm. Just the fact that Maria's conscience was making her worry about a potential harm that could happen should tell us something. Infants sometimes die from wearing necklaces. Often times, these are religous necklaces in nature. This is a truth. This is also something very easily avoidable. Knowing this, it would be putting God to the test to continue to do so.


Because this so immediately affects how we lead our Christian lives I wanted to return to this. Not in the spirit of contention, since obviously the point equally of these posts is to show proper care for others. But the question is how to show this care?

From the time of the Holy ascetic Frs we have been urged to follow the balance of what is called the Royal Road in our spiritual lives. This also applies to how we care for others. We do not leave people entirely to 'the will of God' since precisely we are called to be instruments of God's will. But nor are we to create a protective bubble around people for this actually would substitute our will for God's providence & love.

The point here is how dramatically the balance has nowadays swung towards seeing our individual demonstration of will as being the determinative factor in how we define what it means to be human. In a way this is the motto and definition of our time. It is a definition of what it means for us to be alive and human. And this is what we teach our children and those we care for as the only responsible way to live. Consequently we believe that those who are not caring in this way really do not love others in a responsible fashion.

Life is filled with risk and potential harm. This comes from the Fall but in Christ through discernment this can be worked with to our good. But in our day we see life as a series of potential obstacles which we are called to overcome through individual assertions of self-will.

I do not think that we are called to know about the dangers of life in a general sense and then protect others from what we think of as avoidable harm. If we see in this way then life itself is a condition of avoidable harm. If someone is going to drive the car that has a flat tire then of course it's right to warn them. But why warn someone to not drive their car because it's an absolute fact that cars get flat tires? Here there's a disjunction between reality and principle, something which not only defies logic, but also avoids the realm of faith. And faith is very much a realm which takes reality into account & works with it in its own way.

But we are not talking about a mistaken set of opinions. More we are talking about a general set of principles which nowadays puts continuous acts of self-will very much at the centre of what we think being human means. If removing the cross from around a child's neck really is a discerning way of showing care for the child then all fine & good. But if it is really the first link in a long chain where we will teach the child to actively put him/herself at the centre of things then this is much more of a problem.

In Christ- Fr Raphael

[Trudy]

Why don't you just pin their cross to the inside of their undershirt?

~Athanasia~

[Elena]

Dear Maria,
I couldn't get your question out of my head so I asked my mother what she used to do. She found the most practical solution was to pin our baptism crosses to our front when we went to church. As for the rest of the time apparently my grandmother stitched little crosses in red thread to the front of our vests. One of my cousins says that she can't sew well enough (or rather at all) so she uses an indelible marker.

[Maria Murray]

Elena, that's a good suggestion, one I haven't thought of myself.
Also, Fr. Raphael wisely pointed us to a perspective which I am still trying to fully understand. There is so much to think about here...

[Kosta]

When i was a little boy my mom took away my baptismal cross because i was feisty and aggressive when i played. I would take it off and forget where i put it. Once while i was plaing somehow i snapped the chain. By dumb luck or possibly thru a divine intervention my mom found it the next day in our huge tree filled backyard. That was the last straw for her, lololol

[Olga]

For what it's worth ...

There is a custom among Slavs of babies and small children wearing their baptismal crosses not on a chain, but threaded on a thin ribbon. This has the effect of being softer against the little one's skin, and, by keeping the ribbon short so that the cross falls just below the collarbone, there is little chance of it snagging. It is also close to impossible to snap a ribbon, which takes care of the problem of "little terrors" losing their cross and incurring the wrath of their mothers! :)

[Tessa Miljanic]

Well I have three, ages 2, 4, and 6.

We've went through gold chains, crosses, strings, wooden crosses. First of all, shame on the lady who stopped you. I feel like telling these nosy people to go stand outside an abortion clinic and try to be of some REAL help, rather than constantly harping on anxious new moms about every little thing.

Personally, my kids have all three wore crosses since baptism, and we've never experienced a problem other than them breaking the chains, and loosing the crosses. Now we're on a wooden cross hemp/silk cord trip that seems to be working quite well. But if you're nervous maybe pin a cross on them, or have one as a pendant on a bracelet. IMHO, I think it's important to have on and a good habit to establish.

In Christ,
Tessa

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

Personally, my kids have all three wore crosses since baptism, and we've never experienced a problem other than them breaking the chains, and loosing the crosses. Now we're on a wooden cross hemp/silk cord trip that seems to be working quite well. But if you're nervous maybe pin a cross on them, or have one as a pendant on a bracelet. IMHO, I think it's important to have on and a good habit to establish.


Truth be told the same has happened to me many times over the years. I recently purchased however a small cross from Ukraine/Russia that is made of leather. The leather is so thick one could mistake it for something else at first. It's stamped with a crucifix with Christ on one side and a stylized cross on the other. The 'string' is also leather.

It's really a very beautiful and simple cross to wear.

In Christ- Fr Raphael

[John Charmley]

Dear Fr. Raphael,

Yes, the Ethiopians also have a leather cross that their children wear - very safe, and very unbreakable.

I have seen some for sale on e bay and in some Orthodox on line shops, so they can be had fairly easily.

In Christ,

John

[Peter Farrington]

Dear John

Yes, I have worn a leather cross ever since I was received into the Church many years ago, that an EO friend of mine received from HH Pope Shenouda's hand at a Church consecration in the US.

It is durable and will hopefully last many more years.

A Coptic Orthodox friend sent my son one as well and that also stands up to wear and tear.

Peter

[Angie]

HI everyone. I have just recently joined and find this site to be very informative. Maria, as to your question as to whether your baby should wear a cross, I would have to say yes. A timber one is very important. You can pin it on your child's clothes. Remember that the devil hates the cross, so always keep it on your child for protection.

God Bless
Angela+++

[Vladimir Deczynski]

I am a new poster here and I did not see where this was covered. Could someone please let me know the Order of Blessing for a Baptismal Cross in English? I have searched the interned including the Trebnik and Euchologian for the rite of blessing but without success. Any help for this?
Thank you!
Vladimir Deczynski

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

I am a new poster here and I did not see where this was covered. Could someone please let me know the Order of Blessing for a Baptismal Cross in English? I have searched the interned including the Trebnik and Euchologian for the rite of blessing but without success. Any help for this?
Thank you!
Vladimir Deczynski

I do not believe there is a specific order or prayer in the Trebnik for blessing a baptismal cross; rather there is a special prayer for blessing a cross we intend to wear.

What I do in this specific circumstance is after the Baptism to dip the baptismal cross into the baptismal font which by this time already contains blessed water (this was done before the Baptism). I no longer remember if this is a general thing priests do or was more something I developed according to what seemed to make sense.

In Christ- Fr Raphael

[Father David Moser]

What I do in this specific circumstance is after the Baptism to dip the baptismal cross into the baptismal font which by this time already contains blessed water

I do the same thing, and then place the cross on the newly baptized when we say the prayer for putting on the new clothing right after the baptism.

Fr David Moser

[Fr Raphael Vereshack]

I do the same thing, and then place the cross on the newly baptized when we say the prayer for putting on the new clothing right after the baptism.

Fr David Moser

Dear Fr David,

That's a good idea which had not occurred to me before. I'll try to keep this in mind for the next baptism we have in our parish.

In Christ- Fr Raphael

[Michael 'Anthony' Cornett]

I haven't personally noticed children wearing a cross necklace as a younger adolescent & adult would, but rather, they typically have them pinned to their clothing in an area they couldn't remove or hurt themselves, such as near the back shoulder area.

[Effie Ganatsios]

Forgive me if this is a rediculous question, but it's been bothering me and I'd like to ask it anyway. Did you let your babies wear a cross all the time? My 6-month old always has it on, in fact, her head has grown so much I don't think I can take it off without cutting the string! ;) Because it was making her neck a little red, I let her wear it on top on her clothing. One day I was at the mall and a lady stopped me to sternly warn me not to let her wear it because she could choke herself with it. She was very concerned for me and my baby. Afterwards I couldn't help but worry about it, especially at night. Am I wrong to let myself worry about this? Am I wrong to let her wear it at night? Thank you so much.

Maria, as a mother you are right to worry but needlessly I think. All babies here in Greece wear their baptismal gold crosses. When they are really young their crosses are usually pinned (always using safety pins, of course) onto the top of their pillows or onto a tiny soft cushion attached to their beds. Their cribs also have a cross which is attached to the headboard.

The crosses are always gold and so is the chain. Gold does not irritate the skin and is always preferred.

Effie

[Effie Ganatsios]

When i was a little boy my mom took away my baptismal cross because i was feisty and aggressive when i played. I would take it off and forget where i put it. Once while i was plaing somehow i snapped the chain. By dumb luck or possibly thru a divine intervention my mom found it the next day in our huge tree filled backyard. That was the last straw for her, lololol

Losing gold crosses is something that children (and grownups) do ALL the time. I lost mine, my son lost his, as did my husband. I also lost the beautiful cross my grandfather sent me from Greece when I was about 10 years old.

Losing gold crosses is something that is common to all.

[Effie Ganatsios]

Dear Maria,
I couldn't get your question out of my head so I asked my mother what she used to do. She found the most practical solution was to pin our baptism crosses to our front when we went to church. As for the rest of the time apparently my grandmother stitched little crosses in red thread to the front of our vests. One of my cousins says that she can't sew well enough (or rather at all) so she uses an indelible marker.

Miss Elena, your post reminded me of something that I had forgotten. When I got married my mother pinned a tiny package to my underclothes and to my husband to be's underclothes as well. She had a very old wooden cross that had come down to my grandmother from an ancestor. She scraped two tiny pieces of wood from it. She then sewed these pieces into very small pieces of cream silk and embroidered a cross using red thread on both. They were only about 1 centimetre square and I don't really know how she managed to do this. She told me that her mother had done the same thing for her when she got married.

Effie

[Alice]

Dear Maria,

To be on the safe side (and one cannot overdo thinking about safety with babies, I think) why don't you do what Greeks generally do, and safety pin (a very secure one) a cross to your baby's clothes, pyjamas, and underclothes? As others here said, make sure it is in a spot that they cannot take it off themselves. Then on Sunday put the baby's baptismal cross on with its nice Sunday clothes for Church. It has been a long time since my children were babies, but I am pretty sure that is what I did. The idea is that our baby should never be without the protection of the cross.

In Christ,
Alice

[Alice]

Dear Maria,
I couldn't get your question out of my head so I asked my mother what she used to do. She found the most practical solution was to pin our baptism crosses to our front when we went to church. As for the rest of the time apparently my grandmother stitched little crosses in red thread to the front of our vests. One of my cousins says that she can't sew well enough (or rather at all) so she uses an indelible marker.

So that is the purpose of the 'filakto'!! I have inherited a few, and never thought that it was to be a safer alternative for the baby to wear! They can be bought at any Greek monastery gift shop in the U.S., if Maria is interested...so, there is no need to be a good sewer!

Also, I would like to say to Kostas, that indeed we do trust in God to watch our babies, but by marking them with the sign of the cross, we are sure that all evil and demons stay away from them...remember, also, that in the Greek tradition, a baby may not be baptized until it is seven months!

Also, in Greece, there is the history of protecting babies from those who have evil jealousy in their hearts towards babies (aka: the 'evil eye'). Perhaps they are jealous of the parent's joy? Anyway, the cross protects babies from this jealous and evil hearts of others which can invite the mischief of demons..

Believe it or not, when I was younger, I baptized a baby in a small village of a Greek island, where it is customary for the town's people to come watch the sacrament, though not formally invited. Therefore, there were lots of older ladies there that weren't friends or acquaintances of the parents (who lived in the States, but the grandfather lived in the village). While the priest was saying the prayers, I held our very pretty god daughter, and glanced around the church for a second. I actually saw one or two women glaring at her with such an evil countenance that it made me shudder. I then realized what all that Greek folklore was about; and that it was indeed real.

[Olga]

remember, also, that in the Greek tradition, a baby may not be baptized until it is seven months!

This is merely a folk custom, and not a tradition of the Church. It is a great pity that so many Greek babies have their baptisms delayed for social reasons. One obvious practical problem with delaying baptisms unnecessarily is the very real risk of the priest dropping the squirming, boisterous child which has had olive oil applied all over its body. I've seen many near-misses in my time, especially of ruggedly-built little boys.

OTOH, baptising babies at six to eight weeks makes far more sense: they are much smaller and easier to handle, and they almost never cry. Maybe one squawk, and that's about it. And, of course, the little one comes under the protection of God and the Church so much earlier!

[Alice]

This is merely a folk custom, and not a tradition of the Church. It is a great pity that so many Greek babies have their baptisms delayed for social reasons. One obvious practical problem with delaying baptisms unnecessarily is the very real risk of the priest dropping the squirming, boisterous child which has had olive oil applied all over its body. I've seen many near-misses in my time, especially of ruggedly-built little boys.

OTOH, baptising babies at six to eight weeks makes far more sense: they are much smaller and easier to handle, and they almost never cry. Maybe one squawk, and that's about it. And, of course, the little one comes under the protection of God and the Church so much earlier!

I totally agree with you, dear Olga! By 'Greek' tradition, I meant ethnic custom, but thank you for clarifying. :-)

I have theorized that baptising babies at an older age may be because of fear of them getting ill in the winter in years past when there was no heating in the winter months. Many customs are born for practical reasons and then continue even when they don't make sense any more!!

Alice