Forgiveness

[Elzabet]

Are there any writings of the fathers on forgiveness that anyone would recommend? Specifically, how to live a life of forgiveness and reconciliation or "walking in" forgiveness as some would put it.

Thank you
Beth

[Effie Ganatsios]

'And forgive us our debts as we also forgive our debtors.' For we have many sins. For we offend both in word and in thought, and very many things we do worthy of condemnation; and 'if we say that we have no sin (1 John 1:8), we lie, as John says.... The offenses committed against us are slight and trivial, and easily settled; but those which we have committed against God are great, and need such mercy as His only is. Take heed, therefore, lest for the slight and trivial sins against you, you shut out for yourself forgiveness from God for your very grievous sins.

St. Cyril of Jerusalem.

Elizabeth the above is from : http://www.orthodox.net/gleanings/forgiveness.html


I also found the following :

http://www.schmemann.org/byhim/forgivenesssunday.html


We practice this tradition here on Forgiveness Sunday. I must admit that at first I felt very strange because we used to go to my husband's family home and kiss his father's hand and ask forgiveness.

My husband's father has now passed away but on this day every year I telephone my family and my husband's family and ask forgiveness for any sins I might have knowingly or unknowingly committed against them. The feeling of relief and joy is hard to describe. This day is always an emotional day but it is filled with great wonder. Just another example of how well Christ's instructions to us show his great knowledge of the human mind.

Effie

[Andreas Moran]

I was reflecting on what forgiveness really means and found this thread. Clearly, according to scripture (the Lord's Prayer and the Parable of the merciless servant in Matthew 18:23-35) and to the Fathers (e.g. St Maximos the Confessor, Homily on the Lord's Prayer), our very salvation depends upon our forgiving those who trespass against us, who wrong and hurt us in any way. Often we cannot say, 'I forgive you' to the person who has wronged us. We can say in our hearts and in our prayers to God that we forgive a person. But is forgiveness, like love (to which it is so closely bound), an ongoing matter and not something to say only once? And how can we know if we really mean it, that we have forgiven a person? If someone hurt us very badly a long time ago, and we say we have forgiven that person but we remember the pain, does that mean we have not truly forgiven?

[Archimandrite Irenei]

Dear Andreas,

Forgiveness is not a transaction. I think this is a view that, held by so many, leads to the problems we see very often with the actual practice of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an act of self-emptying and self-offering, in which the heart yields up its self-will (which manifests itself as judgement, as condemnation, as the clinging to wrongs) and enters into the common suffering of the one who has wronged it.

To forgive a person is a life-long commitment and activity.

INXC, ​Fr Irenei

[Alice]

I was reflecting on what forgiveness really means and found this thread. Clearly, according to scripture (the Lord's Prayer and the Parable of the merciless servant in Matthew 18:23-35) and to the Fathers (e.g. St Maximos the Confessor, Homily on the Lord's Prayer), our very salvation depends upon our forgiving those who trespass against us, who wrong and hurt us in any way. Often we cannot say, 'I forgive you' to the person who has wronged us. We can say in our hearts and in our prayers to God that we forgive a person. But is forgiveness, like love (to which it is so closely bound), an ongoing matter and not something to say only once? And how can we know if we really mean it, that we have forgiven a person? If someone hurt us very badly a long time ago, and we say we have forgiven that person but we remember the pain, does that mean we have not truly forgiven?

I think that if, out of nowhere, we approach a person who has deeply hurt us and simply say "I forgive you", we may be opening a can of demonic worms! It can open up old wounds which that person may not even know he/she inflicted; it can make that person remember the wrong in a completely different light than you; it can make that person commence the 'blame game' (blaming you for what happened); or it can actually create anger in that person...any or all of these things will ofcourse make the situation much worse.

Therefore, unless one is saying "I forgive you" as a response to an apology, in my humble opinion, I think it is best done within the heart, in your prayers for that person, and in your actions and your warmth towards him/her.

This has been my experience because the demons work very easily through pride...(the person you approach to say 'I forgive you'). Best not to allow the demons another opportunity to rejoice....

[Father David Moser]

I think that if, out of nowhere, we approach a person who has deeply hurt us and simply say "I forgive you", we may be opening a can of demonic worms!

If you are initiating a conversation about forgiveness, the only good thing to say is "Please forgive me". Maybe you feel you were hurt by the other person, but such an intense interaction requires that both sides are involved and bear responsibility. If you want to broach that subject "out of the blue" as it were then take responsibility for your own part and say only, "Forgive me".

Fr David

[Effie Ganatsios]

Many times we offend someone without even knowing that we do. I mentioned Forgiveness Sunday in a previous message and I believe the wonder of this day is the fact that we ask forgiveness of our loved ones without going into details and remembering old hurts, etc. On this day we do not say "I forgive you" but, "Please forgive me". The other person then says "Please forgive me". This emotion comes from the heart. If you are just reciting words then it's better not to say anything at all.

Sunday of Forgiveness


"The second theme, that of forgiveness, is emphasized in the Gospel reading for this Sunday (Matthew 6:14-21) and in the special ceremony of mutual forgiveness at the end of the Vespers on Sunday evening. Before we enter the Lenten fast, we are reminded that there can be no true fast, no genuine repentance, no reconciliation with God, unless we are at the same time reconciled with one another. A fast without mutual love is the fast of demons. We do not travel the road of Lent as isolated individuals but as members of a family. Our asceticism and fasting should not separate us from others, but should link us to them with ever-stronger bonds.

The Sunday of Forgiveness also directs us to see that Great Lent is a journey of liberation from our enslavement to sin. The Gospel lesson sets the conditions for this liberation. The first one is fasting—the refusal to accept the desires and urges of our fallen nature as normal, the effort to free ourselves from the dictatorship of the flesh and matter over the spirit. To be effective, however, our fast must not be hypocritical, a “showing off.” We must “appear not unto men to fast but to our Father who is in secret” (vv. 16-18).

The second condition is forgiveness—“If you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you” (vv. 14-15). The triumph of sin, the main sign of its rule over the world, is division, opposition, separation, hatred. Therefore, the first break through this fortress of sin is forgiveness—the return to unity, solidarity, love. To forgive is to put between me and my “enemy” the radiant forgiveness of God Himself. To forgive is to reject the hopeless “dead-ends” of human relations and to refer them to Christ. Forgiveness is truly a “breakthrough” of the Kingdom into this sinful and fallen world.


http://lent.goarch.org/forgiveness/learn/