On seeking a spiritual father

[Constantine]

Hello, everyone. Perhaps this has been covered in the past but as I am a new member please bear with me (and, if it has been covered, pardon me for being redundant).

I am a relatively new convert (3 years) and I want to have a spiritual father. Or, rather, I need a spiritual father. My family and I are fortunate to have found a parish with a very good priest, but I understand that a spiritual father is different from one's priest.

What I need--as an Orthodox Christian, layperson, husband, father, and (of course) sinner--is one from whom I can receive counsel, direction, etc. Put simply, this matter has been on my heart for some time and I need to know how one goes about finding a spiritual father.

I realize that the right person will find me and that if it is God's will then I've got nothing to worry about. But is there anything concrete, tangible I can do, anywhere I can look? We live relatively close to a monastery that I have visited a number of times--perhaps it would be good to cultivate a relationship with one of the monks there?

I would benefit greatly from your advice and suggestions. I ask in all sincerity and thank you in advance.

Yours in Christ,
Constantine

[Nina]

Dear Constantine,

Welcome here!

Spiritual Fathers (http://impantokratoros.gr/4174361A.en.aspx) by Saint Nikodemos the Agiorite.

[Father David Moser]

I would benefit greatly from your advice and suggestions. I ask in all sincerity and thank you in advance.


Do not go in search of a "spiritual father" God has put you in a parish with a priest whom you call "father" You call him such not out of idle talk, but because he is indeed the father of the parish family. While he might not be the equal of the great saints, he does have something very important - he has the grace of the priesthood. One of the effects of that grace is for the guidance of spiritual children. You say that you are only Orthodox 3 years. This is almost no time at all, you are yet an infant, barely able to speak - a "toddler" in the faith. Surely your parish priest (who one would assume has been in the Church somewhat longer) can guide you for now. Should the need arise for someone to guide you who is more accomplished in the faith, then trust in the providence of God to bring such a person to you - do not go and seek someone.

Why do I say do not go out and seek someone? It is because there are many in this world who call themselves "spiritual fathers" or "elders" who have taken this role upon themselves. St Iganatii Brianchaninoff warns against such persons with great vehemence. In this manner, I strongly suggest to you that you read "The Arena; An Offering to Contemporary Monasticism" (I've not found it online, but read a review here (http://www.svots.edu/Faculty/Thomas-Hopko/Articles/In-the-Spiritual-Arena.html)) and especially Chapters 12 and 13 "Concerning Life in Obedience to an Elder" and "Concerning Consellors and Counselling and Concerning Life Under Spiritual Direction" St Ignatii makes the point that it is nearly impossible to find a true spiritual father, but that the impostors are easily found and following them is detrimental to the soul. Therefore, he says, that in lieu of a true spiritual father, it is more beneficial for us to spend our time searching the Scripture and the writings of the Holy Fathers to follow their lives. The Athonite Elder Porphyrios also says that we must examine the lives of the saints in order to "steal" their secrets for living the spiritual life (in other words by spending our time searching the lives of those we know to be holy, we then imitate them).

When (and if) you need a real live flesh and blood holy elder, God will send him to you (or you to him). In the meantime, search the lives and writings of the saints and order your life according to theirs.

Fr David Moser