Confessing after a very long time

[Marianthy]

hello to all,

I am a new member and found this site from another Orthodox Christian website. I am due to confess this Saturday and I am scared! I haven't been to confession since I was a child and I have sinned so much! How should I prepare for what I feel is my reunification with the sacraments? I have received communion all these years and not once have I confessed...I have fasted, abstained, etc but have never found the courage to confess.

Courage leaves my side because of my sins...and they have burdened me for so many years, I want them off of my shoulders so that I can pray more effectively, not letting my sins of past corrupt my thoughts as I try and draw closer to God.

Any hints as to what I can do? I am feeling very anxious!

Marianthy

[Maria Murray]

Marianthy,
No doubt the best way to get the answer to your question would be to speak with your priest or perhaps another priest here can offer good insight too. I just wanted to reply to your post because only a year ago I was in the exact same situation as what you're describing. I came to church for years without going to confession and later wandered away from the faith and so on. I can completely relate to feeling scared, I was also extremely embarrased about some things that I had NEVER told anyone about facing the fact that I must now tell it to someone, especially a priest! In fact, I was feeling very tempted to omit some things from my confession because I didn't even know what words I could use to describe them. Well, I just want to say I am soooooo happy I didn't avoid telling everything because it was like having a huge burden fall off my shoulders. I think of it as going to the doctor and being healed. I am not eloquent enough to describe how humbling it was and how merciful and good God is, perhaps you'll feel like the Prodigal Son in the parable when the Father comes out and orders to dress him in the best robe - for that's how I felt about the prayer the priest says at the end.

For me, it was helpful to try to fast (they do this in Russia) before confession, read the appropriate prayers, and follow some general guidelines/memory jogger about what to confess. But I'm no expert on confession, this is just all very limited, personal experience.

[Owen Jones]

I've never seen anyone struck dead during or after confession.

Also, confession does not necessarily always have to be in strictly sacramental form. We have perhaps privatized it a bit too much. A spirit of confession can be helpful -- we can try practising on others.

Finally, Chrysostom puts confession into its proper context with charity and almsgiving and prayer and fasting.

Bottom line, I've never had a priest say, "You did what????!!!!"

[Andreas Moran]

Try writing out your confession. No need for details. And, as St Seraphim of Sarov insisted, the priest is only a witness.

[Marianthy]

thank you Maria, Owen and Andreas for you replies.

Maria, I do feel like a huge burden will be lifted off of my shoulders and I am anticipating it with great joy. I can't remember where I read it, I think it was in the Mountain of Silence, but don't quote me, that the devil makes us feel ashamed of going to confess our ins so that we dont go. I wil not let him defeat me!!

Owen, you initial sentence made me chuckle, thank you.

Andreas, I have been writing out my confession and it is helping me to remember everything as well. I think it will be easier if I read it to my priest and then if when reading more comes to mind, I can add on.

Again, thank you.

[Yuri Zharikov]

Also from a limited personal experience, I can say that when you are sincere during your confession, the priest, or better to say the Lord through the priest, makes every effort to help you along, soothe your soul, and ultimately intruct you how not to fall into the same snare again.

In the Lord,
Yura

[Mary]

I hate my sins. They make me feel sick and dirty. Sometimes I wish I could use something sharp to scrape myself clean, something that will cut into me and make me bleed, causing me a lot of pain, so I'll know for sure I got it. Thankfully, I'm a great coward and would never cut myself. And besides, I'm not the one that needs to be cut up and annihilated, it's my sins that need to be chopped up and killed and destroyed. Let them writhe in agony! They deserve every bit of pain they feel and more! Can't show kindness to sin, by trying to ease it out of my heart.

So I try to be brutally honest in confession. I need to write things down so I can choose the best words that describe my crime without having to go into details. Even if there's only one thing, I still write it down, just so I can focus my thoughts and perhaps drill deeper into my heart and dig it out as much as I can. I also pray, asking for help to see my sin clearly.


Forgive me. I got carried away.... =)

In Christ,
Mary.

[Nicolaj]

so that I can pray more effectively, not letting my sins of past corrupt my thoughts as I try and draw closer to God.


Marianthy

Dear Marianthy!

Have a good confession of sins and defeat Satan, be prepared that you will have to keep the home of your soul clean ( means: confess regularly!) or Satan will come again and he brings with him some more demons!

And it is not given to us, to give our prayers any kind of quality! We can only pray and pray and pray. We can pray more but not better. But it is certainly more beautiful to pray after confession when all clouds are gone!

Christos voskrese! Nicolaj

[Andreas Moran]

Forgive me. I got carried away.... =)

In Christ,
Mary.

I'm sure I feel the same way, Mary. Whilst we must try to know ourselves, Elder Sophrony also said, 'don't spy on yourself'.


the devil makes us feel ashamed of going to confess our sins so that we dont go.

And having gone, the devil can then tempt us with the thought that our confession was in some way deficient! How the devil hates confession!

[Paul Cowan]

How the devil hates confession!

A good book on this is The Forgotten Medicine, The mystery of repentence by Archamandrite Seraphim Aleksiev (http://www.sainthermanpress.com/catalog/chapter_four/FM_BOOK.HTM)


“Greater than baptism itself is the fountain of tears after baptism, even though it is somewhat audacious to say so. For baptism is the washing away of evils that were in us before, but sins committed after baptism are washed away by tears.”

—St. John Climacus, 7th Century

Every Christian feels a natural yearning of the heart towards God, a true desire to taste the sweetness of communion, of being with Him as He created us to be; but the impurity of our hearts—full of passions, conflicts and fears—bars the way. Yet there is a cure for the weight of sin which burdens the heart and soul of each one of us and afflicts the conscience, keeping us from inner peace and from peace with our neighbors and loved ones.

“If our Savior were to come, He Who is bringing the greatest gift—His heavenly grace with which He makes our souls happy and saves them—and if He were to seek shelter for Himself in our souls, where could He find a place to rest?”

—Fr. Seraphim Aleksiev

In THE FORGOTTEN MEDICINE, the renowned Bulgarian spiritual father Archimandrite Seraphim (†1993) details the reasons many give for not coming to Confession, and for each of these he clearly brings forth the truth of the matter. For those who feel awkward because of not knowing how to approach Confession, he explains in depth how to prepare beforehand and what to do afterwards.

“In the Mystery of Repentance the spiritual afflictions of a man are treated, impurities of the soul are removed, and a Christian, having received forgiveness of sins, becomes innocent and sanctified, just as he came out of the waters of Baptism.”

—excerpt from THE FORGOTTEN MEDICINE

THE FORGOTTEN MEDICINE is the first volume to appear in a series of spiritual writings by Archimandrite Seraphim Aleksiev. It provides not only the Scriptural and theological foundations for repentance and Confession, but also a clear instruction for one’s own approach to this Sacrament.

72 pages, illustrated, paperback, $5.00
ISBN 0-938635-49-4


Paul

[Nina]

Bottom line, I've never had a priest say, "You did what????!!!!"

Giggles... Yeah, I have heard that when I confessed (kind of)! :)

Dear Marianthy,

I might be a bit late but here is a link for next time:

http://www.orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/pr_confession.aspx

Important is that you are taking this step. This is so important, what you are doing! Thank God!

[Marianthy]

I would like to thank everyone for replying to my post! I wasn't able to go to confession...my daughter contracted MRSA staph and we had to rush her to the emergency room thursday night...we just got out tonight.

I emailed my parish priest (who will also be my confessor). I will go this Saturday...another week in which to worry...but my daughter is healthy again.

Again, thank you...

Marianthy