Finding a spiritual father

[David Naess]

I had to wait about 12 years before I found my teacher.
One who knows my mindset and spiritual path to date.
(He's always been just 6 blocks away!) Fr. Patrick is
currently leading me into Orthodoxy.

When it comes to finding a monastery, how much more is needed!!

Can one be sure that he has found the right spiritual father even
if he visits hundreds of monestaries?

Does one depend on divine guidence?

Does one depend on "two-way divine guidence"?
In both finding a teacher and the teacher being guided in how the
student should be taught?

Does one just not worry about it and leave it all in God's hands?

I have been looking at the first 4 chapters of "The Ladder" and the
chapter on obedience leaves me shivering in my boots --

How do you know that you have found the right teacher??
One who will, through the fire and anvil of obedience, form you into
the instrument that God intends you to be; rather than forming
you into "his favorite instrument?"

[Peter G.]

I was wondering if I picked the right spiritual father for me and my fiancee. He's given us obediance to do but when I try to call him when things get rough, it's hard to get a hold of him and sometimes doesn't call back. He is a monk but when my friend calls him, he calls him back within a day. I feel like I bother him when I call him so I wonder if I made the right choice. What would happen to my obediance if I do change spiritual father? Is it going to carry on? It's very confusing. When I call and leave a message and he doesn't call me back, I start to get bad thoughts on how he doesn't care and an uneasy feeling etc... Does anyone have any advice.

Thank You

[Father David Moser]

I was wondering if I picked the right spiritual father for me and my fiancee. He's given us obediance to do but when I try to call him when things get rough, it's hard to get a hold of him and sometimes doesn't call back. He is a monk but when my friend calls him, he calls him back within a day. I feel like I bother him when I call him so I wonder if I made the right choice. What would happen to my obediance if I do change spiritual father? Is it going to carry on? It's very confusing. When I call and leave a message and he doesn't call me back, I start to get bad thoughts on how he doesn't care and an uneasy feeling etc... Does anyone have any advice.

Thank You

Your spiritual father is first and foremost your parish priest. It is certainly possible to have a different person to whom you turn for spiritual advice, however, it is important to realize that monastics do not live "in the world" and therefore are not always comfortable giving direction regarding the issues of marriage, relationships, and other issues specifically related to living within the secular culture. A monastic has chosen to flee from that life whereas the married priest lives that life 24/7. It is for this reason that except in unusual circumstances, parish priests are married and monastics are priests within the monastic community. There is no issue of "obedience" here since you are not a monk and so you can certainly choose to ask a different priest for direction. Again - your first recourse should be to your parish priest for he is the father of your parish family and he is the one who bears the responsibility before God for your salvation and your spiritual well being.


Fr David Moser

[John W.]

Does anyone have any advice.

Elder Joseph the Hesychast has some advice (from the Fourteenth Letter in Monastic Wisdom):


You write, my child about a thought against the elder. You should great fear this thought of yours. Avoid it as if it were a poisonous snake, for it has a frightful influence on our generation. This is a ruse of the evil one. He brings you thoughts against your elder in order to alienate you from the grace that protects you and to make you accountable. Then he will ravage you mercilessly. Therefore, keep my advice and never let any thought against your spiritual father lurk in your heart. Get rid of it immediately as if it were a poisonous snake.

A very heavy chain is placed around the elder's neck for every soul for which he assumes the responsibility. To lighten his burden, it takes many holy prayers; it takes much unadulterated love -- not disobedience and back-talk; it takes devotion and grace overflowing from his disciples' lips -- not gall and bitterness, bickering and quarrels. Every harsh word you say to him in times of temptation -- since it proceeds from the serpent, the devil -- waters his soul with poison, and his soul withers like a flower struck by hail. Then he is no longer able pray for himself until the pain goes away.

Conversely, when the disciples are obedient in everything, then the elder is uplifted: he prays fervently, he is enlightened abundantly, he speaks wisely, he advises in good order, he receives additional grace, and he becomes an ever-flowing spring distributing to everyone the divine grace that he has received from the Lord.