Genuine experience versus hysteria

[Michael McGuire]

During my evening prayers last night, I read the Akathist to the Pantanassa. During these prayers, I had an extremely moving experience -- one of the most vivid experiences of my life. My question today, however, is whether I should take this experience as a genuine one or as some sort of . . . I don't know, nervous hysteria?

By way of background, my baptism is less than two weeks away and my wife was scheduled today with her first three-month post-radiation check-up with her gynecologist. As you can imagine, this is a very stressful time for me. Even though we've been told that the chances of the cancer returning are 'very, very remote,' I've been rather fixated on it -- and I'm pretty neurotic on my best days.

Plus, as my baptism approaches, I've been experiencing a wave of lurid thoughts and despondencies that seem to swell ever higher as the day approaches. I've been interpreting this as a good sign that I'm moving in the right direction -- though my secularized mind wonders about this too.

The experience was so overwhelmingly powerful and positive, giving me a profound sense of peace, that I would hate to dismiss it as a nervous phantasm, but my mind accuses me of wish-fulfillment in regarding it as a genuine experience of grace.

I hope to speak to my priest about this later in the week, but I've been following the forum regularly now for quite some time, and would value your feedback.

Michael

[Cristina Novakovic]

Hi Michael,

I've just seen your post and was very curious about your experience... :-) But I think it's best to talk to your spiritual father indeed. Have you done that already?

In Christ,
Cristina

[Justin Farr]

It could be prelest? I do not know, I just know it is something to "watch out for". I know of a novice monk that fell hard due to prelest, and has yet to get back up.

Ask your priest no matter what and talk to him about it!

[Antonios]

Dear Michael,

From my readings, moments of divine grace often bring upon the recipient an experience of overwhelming love for God and neighbor, an indescribable sense of inner peace with God and all of creation, and a complete trust and submission to His divine will.

If at any moment you have the thought that this experience is something you merited or accomplished by your efforts, this is a pontentially serious sign of prelest and the suggestive work of the devil.

In Christ,
Antonios